Category Archives: Dating

Vision Board for Love

By: Gloria Pierson

love, heart, single women, dating, divorce, vision board, divorced women

My theme for February has been love and romance. To continue with that theme, let’s make a vision board for love this month. Having a “visual” to look at helps employ an extra modality. It supports the feeling of giving and receiving love to permeate your entire being. My first career was as an exceptional education teacher. I taught multiply handicapped children. My lesson plans involved using as many modalities as possible to teach a concept. For example, if I was introducing a letter of the alphabet, I would employ touch, taste, visual and auditory stimulation. To introduce the letter “A”, I would have them say “A” out loud, show the letter “A”, touch the letter “A” in sandpaper or clay, and taste an apple.

“Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere,
They’re in each other all along”
-Rumi

Follow these steps to design your vision board for love.
Materials Needed:
1. Gather together a poster board, scissors, glue, and colorful markers. I usually like to use a foam board. There are no rules for the size of the board
2. Search the Internet and magazines for photos that you feel represent love and romance.
3. A photo of yourself looking happy.
Making the Vision Board for Love:
1. Put the photo of yourself in the middle of the board.
2. Surround your photo with photos from magazines and the Internet that illicit the feeling of love in your heart. This is a very personal decision. Look for photos of happy couples and couples in love.
3. Use the colorful markers to write quotes about love and romance.
4. Decorate the poster with other fun things: stars, airline tickets (if you want to travel), ribbons, and flowers.
5. Leave some room for other photos or quotes you may find in the future.
6. Place this vision board where you can see it every day.
Did you have fun doing this project?  Where are you going to put your vision board?

Ghosting in Dating

By: Gloria Pierson

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Another new term I learned about dating: ghosting.  This is so not ok and so disrespectful.  If you are dating, it has probably happened to you, but, you may not be familiar with the term. With texting, the Internet, and on-line dating, ghosting has become more prevalent, even though it is easier to communicate without a face to face confrontation. So, what is ghosting?  Well, you have been seeing someone for a while and then without any warning, you never hear from them again.  They have dropped off the face of the earth.  They just “ghosted” away from you. So here is how you can deal with ghosting in dating.

This happened to me last summer.  I had been dating someone for about 5 weeks. We lived in different cities and had plans to get together in the fall.  We exchanged emails in the early fall and that was it. I was ghosted without warning. Of course, I did what I will recommend you not do, I kept going over our last date and what I said or did wrong.  Online dating makes ghosting easier because they can just go on to the next one.  Sometimes I wish for the good old days when I took woodworking classes to meet men. By the way, I did not meet anyone to date in woodworking class, but, I made a beautiful cutting board and checker board.

What to do if you have been ghosted:

  1. Know that this is not cool. You are owed a better level of respect.
  2. Keep your dignity. Maybe text once to see if they are ok and that is it. If they do not respond, move on.
  3. Realize that you are not the problem. It was nothing that you said or did. As difficult as it may be to admit, he is a jerk and a coward. You deserve more.
  4. Be thankful that the relationship did not go further. This type of person is afraid of confrontation and it not relationship material
  5. If he does reappear, you need a sincere apology.

Have you ever been ghosted?  How did you handle it?

Valentine’s Day Alone

By: Gloria Pierson

valentines day, single women, divorce women, dating, single women

This week we celebrate Valentine’s Day. “Celebrate” may be too strong of a word if you are going to spend the day alone and single. Many of my single friends refuse to out on Valentine’s Day if they do not have a date. Well this year, even if you do not have a date, make it a great day filled with love for YOU! Pamper yourself, discover some things about yourself and maybe perform one of the love rituals.  You can enjoy a Valentine’s Day Alone.

If you are alone, would you rather be miserable with an ex? Probably not. Look at being alone as an opportunity to do whatever it is that you want. It is your choice to have a pity party today or make it a wonderful day. You do not need a man in your life to enjoy the day.

Begin by asking yourself these questions. They can provide insight into how you would like to pamper yourself.

1. If you had one year to live, what would be most important to you to do and be in that time?
2. What makes your heart sing?
3. What are ten things in life you would like to do purely for the fun of it?
4. What have you done in life that you would like to do more of?
5. What do you want to learn? What skills do you want to master?

Now, based on your answers to these questions, make an action plan to pamper yourself on Valentine’s Day. Do something special for yourself. Remember times as a child when you woke up on a summer morning so excited for the day ahead. Plan Valentine’s Day with that feeling in mind. So you wake up excited and filled with energy.

Remember the law of attraction: what you focus on you bring into your life. Try to not focus on the lack of a relationship in your life. Be grateful for what you do have in your life today. With this attitude, I doubt you will be alone on Valentine’s Day next year.

What are you planning to do on Valentine’s Day?

Fun Ideas for Valentines Day

By: Gloria Pierson

valentines day, single women, divorced women, dating,

Often when we think of Valentine’s Day we think of love, romance, and roses. I remember my first memorable Valentine’s Day after my divorce. My date took me to a special dinner, dancing, and bought me romantic gifts. I use to dread the day because more often than not I spent it alone. Now if I have a date that is great, but, if not, I still make it a wonderful day. Today I challenge you to do something special and loving for yourself. The more you can truly love yourself, the more you can love others and receive the love they have to give. With our busy schedules, it is easy to put ourselves last. Today change that and try one of my fun ideas for Valentines Day.

In his book “Falling into Grace”, Adyashanti says:

“As I often tell my students, the person you’ll have the hardest time opening to and truly loving without reserve is yourself. Once you can do that, you can love the whole universe unconditionally. But is all starts with you.”

1. Take a “love” bath. This bath is fabulous to relax you and increase your energy flow to help attract that special someone. Place rose scented candles around your bath room. Fill the tub and add 10 drops of rose oil. You can also put roses around the bathroom and some petals in the water. Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. Imagine your heart area encased in a shimmering pink light. Gradually that pink light surrounds your entire body. Now spend some time imaging the relationship you would like to manifest. What qualities does he have? Make a mental list. Feel that you and he have already connected. When you are finished, say a prayer of gratitude to the Universe and have faith.
2. Spend some time journaling about the best Valentine’s Day you ever had. Write out the details. Feel the emotions you felt on that special day. What were you wearing? What made it so special? Did you go to dinner, if so, what did you eat? What was the weather like? What was your date wearing? What made it so special?
3. If you want to attract a relationship, spend time writing an affirmation 10 times. Use red ink. Some suggestions: “I am a magnet of love, attracting my dreams and desires to me now”. “I am a loving person and I will receive the love I want”. “I am a valuable partner and I am attracting love”.

Happy Valentine’s Day! What did you do for yourself today?

Falling in Love

By: Gloria Pierson

falling in love, divorce, dating, single women

February is about love and romance. The New York Times had an article titled, “To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This” written by Mandy Len Catron. She cited a study done over 20 years ago by the psychologist Arthur Aron. The study explored whether intimacy between 2 strangers can be hastened by asking a specific series of 36 questions. Then the final task is starring into each other’s eyes for four minutes. I am sure those four minutes seem like an hour. Ms. Catron did her own “study” and found that it worked for her. Maybe we should try this to begin falling in love.

I found this study fascinating. A series of questions is a great way to get to know each other. So many of my Match.com dates I felt I was being interviewed for a job. Or being interrogated. All that was missing sometimes was a bright light in my eyes. The usual questions would get so boring. What type of work do you do? How long have you lived in the area? Do you have any children? On and on and on. Boring small talk. Next time, I am going to try the 36 questions. I may have to work up to the 4 minute stare. I think I had to do something like that in acting class one time.

The questions are in three sets. Each set is intended to have you become more open and vulnerable. Here are a sampling of the questions:

Set 1
1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
3. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?

Set 2
1. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
2. What is your most treasured memory?
3. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

Set 3
1. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life?
2. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
3. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

Let me know if you tired this and if it worked.

Cut Those Toxic Ties

By: Gloria Pierson

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Toxic relationships can poison your life.  Would you put toxic chemicals in your body? More than likely, you try to avoid them.  Toxic relationships drain your time, your energy, and your self-esteem.  You know when you are in this type of relationship. You may feel tired, mistreated, and give more than you receive.  These relationships can be with a lover, a friend, a family member or an ex-husband.  Make 2015 the year you begin to recognize and cut those toxic ties.

Recently, I cut a toxic tie with a friend. He continually disappointed me and I allowed it. It took one last huge disappointment and I said enough! I would no longer tolerate this type of treatment.  I kept hoping for a change that may never occur and the only one suffering was me. Once I made that decision and performed my burn ritual, I felt more in control of my life.

What you tolerate will happen again and again.  It is like watching a movie or reading a book and hoping for a different ending.  That is not going to happen. Releasing this type of relationship requires courage. It is not your fault that you are in a relationship of this type. But, you can do something about it because there is a huge cost.

  1. If you are stuck in a toxic relationship ask yourself who or what are you stuck to?
  2. If it is a romantic relationship, do you believe that you do not deserve real love?
  3. Set healthy boundaries and do not feel guilty about it. Or you may have to avoid contact all together.
  4. Ask yourself, what difference would it make in your life if this energy drainer was out of your life?

Have the courage to release.  Do not tolerate mistreatment.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dating after Divorce

By: Gloria Pierson

Dating after divorce can be the good, the bad and the ugly. When you start dating, I can pretty much guarantee that you will experience all three. I certainly have. One date, who I will call Jack, not his real name, invited me over for dinner and to watch a football game. He had steak, crab claws, baked potatoes, corn and salad. Really a very nice, well thought out dinner. He lived in a beautiful home on the water and we decided to enjoy our dinner outside. Well, Jack must have been watching a lot of football that day and enjoying some beers. He burnt the steak and forgot to serve the corn. During dinner he fell off his chair flat onto the floor, his crab claws went flying. I could not help him because I was busy trying to get a crab claw from his dog’s mouth. He picked himself up and did not say a word. Pretty soon after that, I excused myself and drove home.

There was another date that was not quite accurate about his age. Let’s call him, Dennis. I met Dennis for dinner at his country club. They had a beautiful buffet and a separate salad bar. Dennis had trouble walking and keeping his balance. I had to help him get his food and carry it our table. He was about 20 years older that he admitted.

Trust me, you will have some great and some not so great experiences. Try to relax and enjoy the moment. What is meant to happen will happen. Be yourself. Do not get stressed by desperately trying to find ‘the one”. When you are happy and relaxed people will be drawn to you. Stay positive and have faith that one day you will meet “the One”. Until then, enjoy your life.

Open Your Heart for Love

By: Gloria Pierson

Divorce, painful relationships, and childhood based hurts can all allow us to close our hearts for love. If you are looking for love, it is important that your heart remain open to both give and receive love. Our heart chakra is in the middle of our chest. It is associated with the color green. This exercise will help you open your heart for love.

Change your energy and open your heart with this exercise from “The Eight Human Talents” by Gurmukh.

Sit cross legged on the floor. You may sit on a cushion, if it is more comfortable. If you cannot sit cross legged, sit straight on a chair. Stretch your arms straight out in front of you. Your elbows are straight, your palms are together and your arms are parallel to the floor. Inhale through you nose. As you inhale, open your arms widely to the side. Think of opening your chest and bringing your shoulder blades closer together. Exhale through your nose and bring your arms back to the original position.

As you bring your arms to the side on the inhale, place an awareness in your heart area. This awareness may have a beautiful, bright color associated with it. Maybe a beautiful pink color for love and romance. You may picture this color expanding out into the Universe.

As you open your arms repeat silently, “I open myself to give and receive love”. Slowly repeat this exercise 26 times.

How did you feel after doing this? You may want to journal your feelings in a notebook. When you are feeling unloved or alone, try repeating it. The best way to be ready for love it to love yourself first. Usually, that is the hardest thing for us to do. But, if you are aware and make an effort you can love yourself and spread love to others too.

How to Get Him off Your Mind

By: Gloria Pierson

broken heart, divorce, divorce advice, divorce the divorce

This is what I consider a tough part about dating: the break up. But, breaking up is inevitable until you find “The One”. I try to stay positive and think that every relationship I have is preparing me for “The One”.  I imagine bricks going into a foundation for a house. Each brick represents a relationship or maybe even a date and they are helping me grow and build that strong foundation for the loving relationship that I am looking for. So, how to get him off your mind? Follow my 5 steps listed below.

  1. Do not fantasize about him or your relationship. This is tough to do. It is easy to remember all the good times. Force yourself to remember the “not so good times”.  Write them down. Think of his flaws and right them down too.  Did you hate the car he drove?  Was he a slob?  Did he snore at night?  If you are having problems doing this, ask your friends for help.  They can probably be more objective.
  2. When you think about him, replace the image with something else. Think of something that brings you happiness and joy. Picture that instead.
  3. Getting him off your mind will not happen overnight. Try to endure the discomfort of letting go.  Plan some activities with your friends. Maybe it is time for those tennis lessons.
  4. Remove any memories of him from your home, your computer and your work space. This also will free his energy to allow new energy and maybe that new man to enter into your life.
  5. Say affirmations. Affirmations are positive statements that are said in the present tense. Say these out loud. Put them on post it notes in your mirror and on your desk.  Repeat them often
    1. I am attracting a man who loves, adores and appreciates me.
    2. I release the past.
    3. I am ready for love.
    4. I am willing to let go.

 

Stay strong and before you know it, you will feel better.  What do you do to get him off your mind?

 

What to Wear on a Date?

By: Gloria Pierson

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“I think that young men and women are so caught by the way they see themselves. Now mind you, when a larger society sees them as unattractive, as threats, as too black or too white or too poor or too fat or too thin or too asexual, that’s rough. But you can overcome that. The real difficulty is to overcome how you think about yourself.”

-Maya Angelou

When I got divorced, the thought of dating was quite daunting. It had been almost 35 plus years since I had been on a first date.   I had no idea what to wear on a  date. I was a women in her 50’s. My only experience was from was dating in my 20’s and that would not provide me with any relevant information.  Divorce changes everything, including how you dress!

My suggestions:

  1. Dress for your age. Do not try to look like a 20 year old.
  2. Dress for the body you have, not the body you want. Make sure your clothes fit properly: not too large and not like you were poured into them.
  3. Beware of wearing too much black. A few years after my divorce, I looked at my closet, it contain mostly black clothes. I must have been in a state of mourning and wore clothes that you would wear to a funeral.  For your dating outfits, wear color. Colors that make you feel good and that look great on you.
  4. Show some skin, but, not too much. You do not want to look desperate or overly sexy. Maybe show your legs or your shoulders.
  5. Do not wear really high heels. Wear shoes that you can comfortably walk in.
  6. Wear some accessories, but, do not over do them either. Try wearing earrings and a necklace or earrings and a bracelet.

The most important point is to pick your outfit and then spend the evening concentrating on your date.  Will there be date number 2?