Tag Archives: single

3 Steps to Let Go of Your Past

By: Gloria Marie

divorce, divorced, divorced women, single happy strong,

When I think of letting go of the past, the first thing that comes to mind is forgiveness. Have I forgiven everyone that I need to? Or maybe it is to let go of past material things? A former house? A former job? But, recently, I thought I needed to let go of repeating “patterns” from my past. I needed to change the way I thought and reacted to them. These are 3 steps to let go of your past.

We are constantly changing, growing and evolving so our patterns from the past can change, if we become aware of them. Think of one area of your life that you fear or that gives you an uncomfortable feeling in your solar plexus (the area right above your navel). This area in your life may no longer be a problem or a concern, but, it can be hard to break patterns.

One are of these areas for me was money. I went through a time when I was unemployed and money was scarce. It was a very scary, difficult time. That currently is no longer the case, yet some days I catch myself uncomfortable with spending money. I remind myself that those issues are in the past.

New patterns = New manifestations

1. Try to identify one area in your life that you would like to break an outgrown pattern.
2. Write down what blessing or lesson that situation taught you. Next to the lesson learned write down what you would like to manifest instead.
3. Compose three affirmations that support what you would like to manifest. Write these on an index card and the next time that feeling or pattern of fear arises, read them out loud. In time you will change the pattern.

When the feelings from past patterns come up, relax, stay positive. Keep the lessons and let go of the burden.

Break the pattern! You can do it!

Happy Mother’s Day

By: Gloria Marie

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Today we honor our Mothers, Spend time reflecting on what motherhood means to you. If you are not a Mother, reflect on what it means to be women. Happy Mothers’s Day.

My Mother was an incredibly wise, giving woman. She did not have an easy life, but, she enjoyed life. I can still hear her contagious laughter. She was the family Matriarch and her death left a large whole in our family’s heart. My Mother was my rock through my divorce and through the many years of difficult times I experienced. I can still hear her saying to me, “There is always a rainbow after the storm, stay strong!” How fortunate and Blessed I am.

Today take out your journal and write down some favorite memories you have of times with your Mother. If you were not close to your Mother, write memories of a mother figure, a grandmother or a woman you admire. Our Mother’s are in our DNA and in our hearts forever. The chain of love is not broken even with death. Spend some time honoring them today. They helped you become the beautiful human being that you are.

This is a favorite poem of mine and I post it here in memory of my dear, dear Mother, Aurelia.

[Sonnets are full of love, and this my tome]
Christina Rossetti, 1830 -1894

Sonnets are full of love, and this my tome
Has many sonnets: so here now shall be
One sonnet more, a love sonnet, from me
To her whose heart is my heart’s quiet home,
To my first Love, my Mother, on whose knee
I learnt love-lore that is not troublesome;
Whose service is my special dignity,
And she my loadstar while I go and come
And so because you love me, and because
I love you, Mother, I have woven a wreath
Of rhymes wherewith to crown you honored name:
In you not fourscore years can dim the flame
Of love, whose blessed glow transcends the laws
Of time and change and mortal life and death.

Spring a Time for Renewal

By: Gloria Marie

divorce women, divorce, single women, single happy strong

Today is Palm Sunday. It is the beginning of Holy Week and many Christians celebrate Jesus “triumphal entry” into Jerusalem. We have also entered into a new season: spring. Spring is a time of renewal and a time of re-birth. What seeds would you like to plant? What would you like to see grow in your Life? When my boys were growing up we often went out west during their spring break. My younger son would comment that, “People think spring is about bunnies and flowers and it really is about mud and dirty snow.” There is some truth in that, but, I would like you to think of spring as a time to plant new seeds: a time of renewal.

How about doing some spring cleaning in your own life?

Clean your space. – Pick one area in your home to clean out. Your closet might be just the perfect place to start. Clear out those winter clothes that you never wore this past season. Evaluate your spring clothes. Are there any that you no longer care for or that no longer fit? Clear them out.

Open your windows – Let some fresh air in your house. Fresh air is fresh energy. Breathe in the spring air.

Sage – Consider saging your house or lighting candles to welcome this new season.

Your mind – spring is a time to plant new seeds. Spend some time in silence with your journal. What new intention would you like to begin? What would you like to bring into your life? What would you like to grow in your life? Now, create action steps to bring these intentions into your life. These could be long range goals or short range goals. By creating action steps, you are telling the Universe that you are reaching out with your intentions.

Start today and who knows what beautiful flowers will come into your life.

Online Dating Tips

By: Gloria Marie

divorce, divorced women, single happy strong

One in 10 Americans are actively involved in online dating. Have you ever tried it? I have tried most of the popular dating sites. I, like most people, get tired of the process. But, my philosophy is, if you don’t try, you are 100% assured of meeting no one online. As one of my dear friends says, “A man is not just going to show up on our front porch”.

There is a new study about online dating tips that was published in the Journal of Evidenced Based Medicine. The study was done by two doctors, Dr. Khan and Dr. Chaudhry. Dr. Chaudhry’s online dating attempts were not successful. So they decided to research the data and study it in the hopes of improving Dr. Chaudhry chances of success. They focused on 86 studies. This is what they found.

1. Success begins with choosing a user name. Men prefer user names that are linked to a physical trait. (Like Cutie). Women prefer user names that show intelligence. Both sexes like playful names.
2. User names from the first half of the alphabet do better than user names from the last half of the alphabet.
3. Successful profiles are divided by 70:30 ratio. Seventy percent of the profile with personal information and 30% gives a description of the desired partner.
4. Honest, likable profiles with humor were desirable.
5. Photos showing the user standing and smiling worked the best.
6. The best profiles were not too perfect.

Maybe it is time to redo you online profile using the above research tips. I think it is a good idea to have a friend read your profile. You may be omitting some great qualities about yourself. It is also good to add some new photos. Mix things up a bit.

You might also try some online dating apps. They are gaining in popularity. Tinder and The League are two popular ones. The important thing with any dating is to be smart and careful.

Ways to Deal with Hot Flashes

By: Gloria Marie

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Most middle age women experience hot flashes. My hot flashes coincided with my divorce. That was not great timing. There were so many changes and stressful situations at that time and my hot flashes were horrible. I would sit at my desk at work and sweat would start pouring down my face. My co-workers would say they never saw anyone with such bad hot flashes. Great! That was not comforting. I did develop some ways to deal with hot flashes.

A new study came out in February, 2015 in the JAMA Internal Medicine journal. The study found that the medium length for a women to experience hot flashes is 7.4 years. They also found that hot flashes can last as long at 14 years. The earlier they begin the longer a women is likely to suffer. Can you imagine 14 years?

The North American Menopause Society has created a mobile app for women bothered by menopause symptoms. It gives ways to cope based on your lifestyle. The app is called MenoPro and it is free. Check it out, if you are bothered by menopause symptoms.

These are some of the ways I coped with hot flashes:

1. I kept fans everywhere: on my desk, in all my purses, and in every room in my house. They were especially helpful in my purses. When I was out and a hot flash started, I would pull it out, open it and fan away the sweat. I had fans in every size and color.
2. On my vanity, I kept a small electric fan. Inevitable, as soon as I finished putting on my makeup, a hot flash would occur. With the electric fan, I would put my face in front of it until the hot flash stopped. My makeup would stay intact.
3. For night sweats, I would put an ice pack under my pillow.

How do you deal with hot flashes? Please share your tips.

Improve Your Self Esteem

By: Gloria Marie

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Self-esteem is how you feel about yourself as a person. Life changes can sometimes affect our self-esteem. Divorce, job loss, and break up of a relationship can all effect our self-esteem. It is a reflection of what you think about yourself. The good news is you can control and improve it. You can take responsibility for your own thoughts. Change unhappiness into happiness. You are not defined by another person, job or circumstance. Try the exercise below to improve your self esteem.

During my divorce there were many time my self-esteem suffered. When I was unemployed, alone, and scared, it took a hit. The future frightened me. It even materialized in how I dressed. My closet was filled with all black clothes. Great for attending funerals, but, this was my new life. I realized that I could control my thoughts, improve my self-esteem, and begin to create a life filled with happiness and joy.

Try this exercise below. Remember, self-esteem is an inside job and you can improve it.

1. List what you honor and appreciate about yourself – your gifts, talents, skills, and abilities. Consider these questions:
a. What do I appreciate about who I am?
b. What are my strengths?
c. What do my friends appreciate about me?
d. How would people who love me describe me?
2. When you have completed your list, read it out loud while looking in the mirror. This is more difficult than it may seem. Do this daily, until, you feel authentic while saying the statements. Keep this list to repeat when you need a little pick me up.
a. Begin each statement with the words, (your name), I love you’re…. (Gloria I love your sense of humor)
b. Begin each statement with the words, I love my…….. (I love my commitment to feeling good about myself!)

What did you LOVE about yourself?  Was the mirror exercise difficult?

Fun Ideas for Valentines Day

By: Gloria Marie

valentines day, single women, divorced women, dating,

Often when we think of Valentine’s Day we think of love, romance, and roses. I remember my first memorable Valentine’s Day after my divorce. My date took me to a special dinner, dancing, and bought me romantic gifts. I use to dread the day because more often than not I spent it alone. Now if I have a date that is great, but, if not, I still make it a wonderful day. Today I challenge you to do something special and loving for yourself. The more you can truly love yourself, the more you can love others and receive the love they have to give. With our busy schedules, it is easy to put ourselves last. Today change that and try one of my fun ideas for Valentines Day.

In his book “Falling into Grace”, Adyashanti says:

“As I often tell my students, the person you’ll have the hardest time opening to and truly loving without reserve is yourself. Once you can do that, you can love the whole universe unconditionally. But is all starts with you.”

1. Take a “love” bath. This bath is fabulous to relax you and increase your energy flow to help attract that special someone. Place rose scented candles around your bath room. Fill the tub and add 10 drops of rose oil. You can also put roses around the bathroom and some petals in the water. Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. Imagine your heart area encased in a shimmering pink light. Gradually that pink light surrounds your entire body. Now spend some time imaging the relationship you would like to manifest. What qualities does he have? Make a mental list. Feel that you and he have already connected. When you are finished, say a prayer of gratitude to the Universe and have faith.
2. Spend some time journaling about the best Valentine’s Day you ever had. Write out the details. Feel the emotions you felt on that special day. What were you wearing? What made it so special? Did you go to dinner, if so, what did you eat? What was the weather like? What was your date wearing? What made it so special?
3. If you want to attract a relationship, spend time writing an affirmation 10 times. Use red ink. Some suggestions: “I am a magnet of love, attracting my dreams and desires to me now”. “I am a loving person and I will receive the love I want”. “I am a valuable partner and I am attracting love”.

Happy Valentine’s Day! What did you do for yourself today?

Dating after Divorce

By: Gloria Marie

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Dating after divorce can be the good, the bad and the ugly. When you start dating, I can pretty much guarantee that you will experience all three. I certainly have. One date, who I will call Jack, not his real name, invited me over for dinner and to watch a football game. He had steak, crab claws, baked potatoes, corn and salad. Really a very nice, well thought out dinner. He lived in a beautiful home on the water and we decided to enjoy our dinner outside. Well, Jack must have been watching a lot of football that day and enjoying some beers. He burnt the steak and forgot to serve the corn. During dinner he fell off his chair flat onto the floor, his crab claws went flying. I could not help him because I was busy trying to get a crab claw from his dog’s mouth. He picked himself up and did not say a word. Pretty soon after that, I excused myself and drove home.

There was another date that was not quite accurate about his age. Let’s call him, Dennis. I met Dennis for dinner at his country club. They had a beautiful buffet and a separate salad bar. Dennis had trouble walking and keeping his balance. I had to help him get his food and carry it our table. He was about 20 years older that he admitted.

Trust me, you will have some great and some not so great experiences. Try to relax and enjoy the moment. What is meant to happen will happen. Be yourself. Do not get stressed by desperately trying to find ‘the one”. When you are happy and relaxed people will be drawn to you. Stay positive and have faith that one day you will meet “the One”. Until then, enjoy your life.

6 Ways to Stay Joyful

By: Gloria Marie

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What was the first thing you did when you woke up this morning? Maybe said a prayer for having another day on this magnificent earth? Did you feel joyful and excited about your day? Finding joy and living a joy-filled life allows you to shine.  Joy is a true internal feeling that is not affected by life’s up and downs.  It differs from happiness which is more external.  You won the lottery, you feel happiness. This is not to say that you will always be joyful, but, by cultivating joy, you will be joyful more frequently. Here are my six ways to stay joyful.

I practice these steps, not every day, but, most days.  If I am going through a more challenging period in my life, I make it a habit to integrate these actions in my life.  Let your soul shine through with joy, it will help everyone around you feel better.

6 Ways to Stay Joyful

  1. Be grateful. A practice that includes gratitude allows you to dwell on the positive aspects in your life. No matter how difficult a period you are going through, there is always something to be grateful for.  Do you say a silent prayer before a meal? Or maybe start a Gratitude journal.
  2. Do something creative. Learn something new. When you are doing a creative project, you unblock energy and that energy can now flow in better ways. When you are doing the creative project; pay attention to the process. Immerse yourself in it.
  3. Find your passion. Pursue something that you care deeply about. Even taking small steps toward your passion will bring you joy.  What does your ideal day look like?  Read my blog on 10 Questions to Find Your Passion.
  4. Be of service to others. Take the focus off your ego-centered self and bring happiness to another person. Think of the countless ways you can be of service.
  5.  Exercise. The Mayo Clinic says, “Exercise in almost any form can act as a stress reliever. Being active can boost your feel good endorphins and distract you from daily worries”. You do not have to train for a marathon.  Just do some exercise that you enjoy.
  6. Listen to your intuition. In silence, you deep gut feelings are very reliable. Learn to be aware of them.

What do you do to bring more joy into your life?

What to Wear on a Date?

By: Gloria Marie

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“I think that young men and women are so caught by the way they see themselves. Now mind you, when a larger society sees them as unattractive, as threats, as too black or too white or too poor or too fat or too thin or too asexual, that’s rough. But you can overcome that. The real difficulty is to overcome how you think about yourself.”

-Maya Angelou

When I got divorced, the thought of dating was quite daunting. It had been almost 35 plus years since I had been on a first date.   I had no idea what to wear on a  date. I was a women in her 50’s. My only experience was from was dating in my 20’s and that would not provide me with any relevant information.  Divorce changes everything, including how you dress!

My suggestions:

  1. Dress for your age. Do not try to look like a 20 year old.
  2. Dress for the body you have, not the body you want. Make sure your clothes fit properly: not too large and not like you were poured into them.
  3. Beware of wearing too much black. A few years after my divorce, I looked at my closet, it contain mostly black clothes. I must have been in a state of mourning and wore clothes that you would wear to a funeral.  For your dating outfits, wear color. Colors that make you feel good and that look great on you.
  4. Show some skin, but, not too much. You do not want to look desperate or overly sexy. Maybe show your legs or your shoulders.
  5. Do not wear really high heels. Wear shoes that you can comfortably walk in.
  6. Wear some accessories, but, do not over do them either. Try wearing earrings and a necklace or earrings and a bracelet.

The most important point is to pick your outfit and then spend the evening concentrating on your date.  Will there be date number 2?