February is about love and romance. The New York Times had an article titled, “To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This” written by Mandy Len Catron. She cited a study done over 20 years ago by the psychologist Arthur Aron. The study explored whether intimacy between 2 strangers can be hastened by asking a specific series of 36 questions. Then the final task is starring into each other’s eyes for four minutes. I am sure those four minutes seem like an hour. Ms. Catron did her own “study” and found that it worked for her. Maybe we should try this to begin falling in love.
I found this study fascinating. A series of questions is a great way to get to know each other. So many of my Match.com dates I felt I was being interviewed for a job. Or being interrogated. All that was missing sometimes was a bright light in my eyes. The usual questions would get so boring. What type of work do you do? How long have you lived in the area? Do you have any children? On and on and on. Boring small talk. Next time, I am going to try the 36 questions. I may have to work up to the 4 minute stare. I think I had to do something like that in acting class one time.
The questions are in three sets. Each set is intended to have you become more open and vulnerable. Here are a sampling of the questions:
1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
3. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
1. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
2. What is your most treasured memory?
3. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
1. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life?
2. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
3. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
Let me know if you tired this and if it worked.