Category Archives: Dating

Cut Those Toxic Ties

By: Gloria Marie

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Toxic relationships can poison your life.  Would you put toxic chemicals in your body? More than likely, you try to avoid them.  Toxic relationships drain your time, your energy, and your self-esteem.  You know when you are in this type of relationship. You may feel tired, mistreated, and give more than you receive.  These relationships can be with a lover, a friend, a family member or an ex-husband.  Make 2015 the year you begin to recognize and cut those toxic ties.

Recently, I cut a toxic tie with a friend. He continually disappointed me and I allowed it. It took one last huge disappointment and I said enough! I would no longer tolerate this type of treatment.  I kept hoping for a change that may never occur and the only one suffering was me. Once I made that decision and performed my burn ritual, I felt more in control of my life.

What you tolerate will happen again and again.  It is like watching a movie or reading a book and hoping for a different ending.  That is not going to happen. Releasing this type of relationship requires courage. It is not your fault that you are in a relationship of this type. But, you can do something about it because there is a huge cost.

  1. If you are stuck in a toxic relationship ask yourself who or what are you stuck to?
  2. If it is a romantic relationship, do you believe that you do not deserve real love?
  3. Set healthy boundaries and do not feel guilty about it. Or you may have to avoid contact all together.
  4. Ask yourself, what difference would it make in your life if this energy drainer was out of your life?

Have the courage to release.  Do not tolerate mistreatment.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dating after Divorce

By: Gloria Marie

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Dating after divorce can be the good, the bad and the ugly. When you start dating, I can pretty much guarantee that you will experience all three. I certainly have. One date, who I will call Jack, not his real name, invited me over for dinner and to watch a football game. He had steak, crab claws, baked potatoes, corn and salad. Really a very nice, well thought out dinner. He lived in a beautiful home on the water and we decided to enjoy our dinner outside. Well, Jack must have been watching a lot of football that day and enjoying some beers. He burnt the steak and forgot to serve the corn. During dinner he fell off his chair flat onto the floor, his crab claws went flying. I could not help him because I was busy trying to get a crab claw from his dog’s mouth. He picked himself up and did not say a word. Pretty soon after that, I excused myself and drove home.

There was another date that was not quite accurate about his age. Let’s call him, Dennis. I met Dennis for dinner at his country club. They had a beautiful buffet and a separate salad bar. Dennis had trouble walking and keeping his balance. I had to help him get his food and carry it our table. He was about 20 years older that he admitted.

Trust me, you will have some great and some not so great experiences. Try to relax and enjoy the moment. What is meant to happen will happen. Be yourself. Do not get stressed by desperately trying to find ‘the one”. When you are happy and relaxed people will be drawn to you. Stay positive and have faith that one day you will meet “the One”. Until then, enjoy your life.

Open Your Heart for Love

By: Gloria Marie

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Divorce, painful relationships, and childhood based hurts can all allow us to close our hearts for love. If you are looking for love, it is important that your heart remain open to both give and receive love. Our heart chakra is in the middle of our chest. It is associated with the color green. This exercise will help you open your heart for love.

Change your energy and open your heart with this exercise from “The Eight Human Talents” by Gurmukh.

Sit cross legged on the floor. You may sit on a cushion, if it is more comfortable. If you cannot sit cross legged, sit straight on a chair. Stretch your arms straight out in front of you. Your elbows are straight, your palms are together and your arms are parallel to the floor. Inhale through you nose. As you inhale, open your arms widely to the side. Think of opening your chest and bringing your shoulder blades closer together. Exhale through your nose and bring your arms back to the original position.

As you bring your arms to the side on the inhale, place an awareness in your heart area. This awareness may have a beautiful, bright color associated with it. Maybe a beautiful pink color for love and romance. You may picture this color expanding out into the Universe.

As you open your arms repeat silently, “I open myself to give and receive love”. Slowly repeat this exercise 26 times.

How did you feel after doing this? You may want to journal your feelings in a notebook. When you are feeling unloved or alone, try repeating it. The best way to be ready for love it to love yourself first. Usually, that is the hardest thing for us to do. But, if you are aware and make an effort you can love yourself and spread love to others too.

How to Get Him off Your Mind

By: Gloria Marie

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This is what I consider a tough part about dating: the break up. But, breaking up is inevitable until you find “The One”. I try to stay positive and think that every relationship I have is preparing me for “The One”.  I imagine bricks going into a foundation for a house. Each brick represents a relationship or maybe even a date and they are helping me grow and build that strong foundation for the loving relationship that I am looking for. So, how to get him off your mind? Follow my 5 steps listed below.

  1. Do not fantasize about him or your relationship. This is tough to do. It is easy to remember all the good times. Force yourself to remember the “not so good times”.  Write them down. Think of his flaws and right them down too.  Did you hate the car he drove?  Was he a slob?  Did he snore at night?  If you are having problems doing this, ask your friends for help.  They can probably be more objective.
  2. When you think about him, replace the image with something else. Think of something that brings you happiness and joy. Picture that instead.
  3. Getting him off your mind will not happen overnight. Try to endure the discomfort of letting go.  Plan some activities with your friends. Maybe it is time for those tennis lessons.
  4. Remove any memories of him from your home, your computer and your work space. This also will free his energy to allow new energy and maybe that new man to enter into your life.
  5. Say affirmations. Affirmations are positive statements that are said in the present tense. Say these out loud. Put them on post it notes in your mirror and on your desk.  Repeat them often
    1. I am attracting a man who loves, adores and appreciates me.
    2. I release the past.
    3. I am ready for love.
    4. I am willing to let go.

 

Stay strong and before you know it, you will feel better.  What do you do to get him off your mind?

 

What to Wear on a Date?

By: Gloria Marie

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“I think that young men and women are so caught by the way they see themselves. Now mind you, when a larger society sees them as unattractive, as threats, as too black or too white or too poor or too fat or too thin or too asexual, that’s rough. But you can overcome that. The real difficulty is to overcome how you think about yourself.”

-Maya Angelou

When I got divorced, the thought of dating was quite daunting. It had been almost 35 plus years since I had been on a first date.   I had no idea what to wear on a  date. I was a women in her 50’s. My only experience was from was dating in my 20’s and that would not provide me with any relevant information.  Divorce changes everything, including how you dress!

My suggestions:

  1. Dress for your age. Do not try to look like a 20 year old.
  2. Dress for the body you have, not the body you want. Make sure your clothes fit properly: not too large and not like you were poured into them.
  3. Beware of wearing too much black. A few years after my divorce, I looked at my closet, it contain mostly black clothes. I must have been in a state of mourning and wore clothes that you would wear to a funeral.  For your dating outfits, wear color. Colors that make you feel good and that look great on you.
  4. Show some skin, but, not too much. You do not want to look desperate or overly sexy. Maybe show your legs or your shoulders.
  5. Do not wear really high heels. Wear shoes that you can comfortably walk in.
  6. Wear some accessories, but, do not over do them either. Try wearing earrings and a necklace or earrings and a bracelet.

The most important point is to pick your outfit and then spend the evening concentrating on your date.  Will there be date number 2?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Key to Happiness

By: Gloria Marie

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Forgiveness is the key to happiness. Resentment, anger, and grief over past relationships hold a tremendous amount of energy. It is important to release the negative energy in order for more positive relationships to flow into your life. It is almost like creating a “space” for something or someone new to enter. Below I describe one technique I use to forgive and move on. This exercise can work not only for romantic relationships, it can work for any relationship that needs healing and closure.

There was one man I dated for several months. I felt the relationship was a convenience instead of a priority. The relationship did not progress. Every date was like the “first” date, no more no less. I used this exercise to get the courage to end the relationship and to move on.

In order to release myself and my energy from a relationship, I would write a letter to them. Sometimes it was just one letter other times six or seven. No one would ever see the letters. When I felt I wrote all I need to, I would follow the steps I list below. It provided closure and healing.

This is a powerful exercise.
1. Get a piece of paper and a pen. Sit in a comfortable chair in a quiet space. Take a few deep breaths. Write a letter to the person you need to forgive or the person you need to let go of. Take your time. Write your feelings about them; how they hurt you, how that felt, how you may have done things differently. There is no rule as to how long the letter has to be, keep writing until you have nothing else to say to them. When you feel you have written enough, at the bottom of the letter wish them well and sign your name.

2. Tear the letter up into small pieces and then do one of the following: a) Put them in a pan and burn them. Obviously, be very careful with this step. As you watch them burn say a prayer for the person the letter is addressed or at least wish them happiness b) Bury the pieces of paper in the ground. As you cover them with dirt, say a prayer for the person the letter is addressed to.

3. Repeat this as often as needed, until you feel you have forgiven and released the person. You know you have released this person’s energy when you no longer feel any strong emotion when you think of them.

How many letters did your forgiveness take?

Dating and Being Stood Up

By: Gloria Marie

 

“Love is a state of Being.  Your love is not outside; it is deep within you.  You can never lose it, and it cannot leave you. It is not dependent on some other body, some external form.”

-Eckhart Tolle

These wise words from Eckhart Tolle are important to remember while in the dating process.  We all want love and companionship from other human being, but, love is deep within us.  Sometimes it may be hidden, but, it cannot be taken away from us. Dating will have its ups and its downs; just like life.  When you are stood up for the first time, it can hurt.  You may try to internalize the experience. You may try to relive the last time you spoke. Stop all the chatter in your mind and grow from yet another dating experience.  This is how I deal with dating and being stood up.

There was a man I met on an online dating site.  We went out for about 5 dates and had good times.  He asked me out for New Year’s Eve and I thought, “Great!”   It had been several years; yes several, since I had a date for New Year’s Eve.   December 30 he texted me and asked what I was doing the next evening.  I responded, “Going out with you, I thought we had plans.”  Well, that night, the next day and the next evening: no call and no text message.  I choose not to call him and I never heard from him again.

Of course, my mind initially created so many scenarios and finally, I decided, it did not matter what the circumstances were. All that mattered was my reaction to them.  I could have gotten angry. Anger could be a very logical response.  But, who would my anger hurt the most?  Me! Instead, every time I would feel hurt or anger, I would say, “I wish him much happiness”.  I continued to repeat this until the hurt and anger were gone.  I do hope he is happy and I do know for sure, he would not be for me!

Next time someone hurts you, wish them the best.  And remember as Eckhart Tolle says, “Love is deep within you and cannot leave you.”

 

Have you ever been stood up?  How did you react?

 

 

 

Learn to Let Go and Move On

By: Gloria Marie

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Lessons in love; learn to let go and move on after divorce. This is not only to move on after a divorce, but, also after a relationship ends. Life is all about learning. Take what was positive from a relationship, learn from it, and use those lessons in your next relationship.

My first relationship after my divorce lasted 9 months. When we stopped seeing each other, I was devastated. I felt like a failed again. I went to a very, dark space, filled with fear that I would be alone the rest of my life. I did not let this pity party last too long. Sure, I was hurt, but, I tried  to look at the relationship in a positive way.

Instead of crying, I asked myself, “What did this experience teach me?” When I sat quietly and wrote in my journal, I began to see all the wonderful experiences those nine months gave me. That relationship formed a foundation for my next one. It helped me grow, learn to love myself, and begin to formalize what I wanted in a relationship.

By freeing up your energy and focusing on the positives from a past relationship, you are actually taking back your power. Negative thoughts form negative energy and that only hurts you. Free up your energy to allow someone else to come into your life.

My Tips:
Repeat this affirmation:
“Everything comes in perfect time, I am drawing in a man who I love and who loves me”

Questions to Ask Yourself:
From the book, “The Wizard of Us” by Jean Houston
Can you see any way in which this challenging situation might have served your growth or caused you to shift?
Offered you an opportunity to become more compassionate?
Set stronger boundaries for yourself?
Offered you opportunities to look at your self-worth?

Do you have any stories to share?

Should You Try Online Dating?

By: Gloria Marie

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Online dating has become more acceptable and mainstream.  If you want to meet someone, why not try it?  It increases your chances of meeting someone in your same life-stage situation.  There are plenty of reliable and effective options out there.  Should you try online dating?

Dating sites cater to different customers, so, it is important to decide what you are looking for.  Do you want friendship or a committed relationship? The sites use several methods to match their customers. These include age, hobbies, physical appearance, sports you enjoy, political views, and books you recently read.  It is important to do some research before you decide which site to try.

Some advice about using online dating sites:

  1. Set realistic expectations. More than likely Prince Charming will not be your first date. Have patience with the process.
  2. Try to focus at first on friendship instead of the “relationship” part.
  3. Use a good and recent photo. It could be a casual photo.
  4. Create a detailed profile and ask a friend to review it.
  5. Be safe. Do not give out any personal information and meet in a public location.

Popular Online Dating Sites

  1. match.com – This is considered the largest site. It is easy to set up and has user friendly search tools.  Match has 12 – 14 million visitors per month.
  2. Zoosk – Also, boosts of a large member base. It has 11 – 13 million visits per month. Best for singles seeking enhanced matchmaking.
  3. eHarmony– They have 29 different personal traits and variables to determine who is most suitable for you. This process takes longer, but, it emphasizes creating long-lasting relationships. It gets 4 – 6 million visits per month.
  4. Ourtime – For daters 50+ seeking companionship. Great site for serious over 50 daters. They get 2 – 4 million visits per month.
  5. Plenty of Fish – The first successful free site.

Are you ready to give online dating a try?

Tip 21 More Dating Tips

By: Gloria Marie

 Tip 21 More Dating Tips

Wine

Dating as a “senior” women can bring complications. It is certainly not the same as when we were in our 20’s. After going on probably 100 first dates the last several years, I have encounter a wide variety of situations.  That is why I will give more dating tips.

A recent study on datingadvice.com said that divorcees are 18% more likely than singles to have a one night stand. The research felt that the reason divorcees have one night stands is because they are not ready for a relationship and it increases their self-esteem. Men are 64% more likely to have a one night stand.

My Tips:

  1. If you do decide to have sex on a first date have safe sex.  Safe sex should be practiced for several months in any relationship.  Do not try to be pressured in the “heat” of the moment.  Protect and respect your body.
  2. Do not involve your children and family in a one night stand.  Keep these two parts of your life separate.
  3. Do not romanticize a one night stand.  Except it for what it is and move on.
  4. Our bodies are not the same as they were in our 20’s or 30’s, but, do not be ashamed about the way you look.  You are a beautiful unique human being.
  5. Entering a relationship takes a lot longer at our age.  I have found both men and women use caution before entering a relationship.  Our lives are more complicated than when we were young.
  6. Lunch dates are very popular for people our age.

If you want love as priority in your life, you will have to make an effort.  Besides on-line dating and introductions from friends, think of other creative ways to meet men. Social activities and meet-up groups are another wonderful way to meet men.

What type of activities have you found successful?