Try this two-step process to free yourself from anger, hurt, and resentment. Learn to move on and get your happy back.
Dating is part of a single women’s life. Having a broken heart at some point may become a reality. It hurts, it’s uncomfortable and many emotions will wash over you. I like to think of every relationship like a brick in the foundation of the new me I am creating. If one relationship doesn’t work out, maybe it prepared me in some way for the next one. After all, we are a work in progress, brick by brick. Try these 5 ways to deal with a broken heart.
When a relationship does not work out, I like to ask myself, “What was the lesson this situation has brought to me?” “How can I grow from this experience?” These are very powerful questions to ask yourself. Spend some quiet time, centered in the moment and think about this. The present moment is always the best teacher.
5 Ways to Deal with a Broken Heart
1. Try to avoid negative thoughts about yourself or your ex-boyfriend. Negative thinking does no good. Remember the law of attraction. Try to stay positive to attract more positivity into your life.
2. That beautiful shirt he bought you, either toss is out or box it up and get it out of your sight. This goes for anything that brings back strong memories about the relationship. If you cannot bear to throw something away: box it up, give it to someone or sell it. Physical items contain energy and you want new, fresh energy in your life.
3. Exercise. Exercise is a great way to release stress. Get moving. Walk, go to the gym, play tennis: the important point is to begin moving. It might be easy and comfortable to stay on the couch in front of the television. Do the uncomfortable, get some fresh air.
4. Pamper Yourself. Do something special for yourself. Some suggestions are: take a long, warm bath, get a massage, take a trip, go to the movies, get a manicure and pedicure, or visit a great restaurant.
5. Journal. – Spend some time journaling your feelings. It is ok to be angry, depressed or sad.
What have you done to deal with a broken heart?
This is a question that comes up often. When should I introduce my children to my new boyfriend? There is not a straight forward answer, but, the first meeting should be planned. I also feel that unless you are in a serious relationship, it is best not to involve your children. So, how do you introduce your boyfriend to your children.
Personally, I used the three month rule. My sons would not meet anyone unless I had been seeing them three months. It just complicates matters and I always felt is best to leave my children’s lives separate, especially right after the divorce. Of course, this would vary with the age of your children. Mine at the time of my divorce were teenagers.
What I was naïve about what how to introduce them. Learn from my mistakes. My boys and I were going on a vacation with other family members. My boyfriend wanted to join us because we were going to celebrate my birthday. On the big day, I chose white water rafting as our activity. I love it and my sons and I have gone many times. My older son was a white water rafting guide and I thought, what better way to all get to know each other. Well, while most of us were having fun paddling through the rapids, my boyfriend was scared to death. He was holding on for dear life and was crouched down in the middle of the raft. This was not what I expected. We stopped dating shortly after that.
My sister thought the situation was so hilarious, that she bought an 11” X 14” photo of that famous river run and it still hangs in her house.
1. Plan the introduction in a group setting, some easy, neutral activity.
2. Have no expectations of the outcome.
3. Remind your children, that your boyfriend will not replace their father. They have only one Mother and one Father.
What has worked for you?
The following is a chapter from my book, “Divorce the Divorce: a 52 Step Journey to Creating Unlimited Happiness”. This chapter gives 4 ways to deal with a broken heart.
Ways to Deal with a Broken Heart
“The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be.”
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
Dating is part of a single women’s life. Having a broken heart at some point may become a reality. It hurts, it’s uncomfortable, and many emotions will wash over you. I like to think of every relationship like a brick in the foundation of the new me I am creating. If one relationship doesn’t work out, maybe it prepared me in some way for the next one. After all, we are a work in progress, brick by brick, experience by experience.
A broken heart is not fun. But loss is a part of life. Congratulate yourself that you had the courage to love again. That is progress. You will get through this new loss, grow stronger and find love again.
When a relationship does not work out, I like to ask myself, “What was the lesson this situation has brought to me?” “How can I grow from this experience?” These are very powerful questions to ask yourself. Spend some quiet time centered in the moment and think about this. The present moment is always the best teacher. I try not to ignore my feeling of loss, despair, and helplessness, and I know in time I will heal once again. Until then, I treat myself with compassion and love.
1. Try to avoid negative thoughts about yourself or your ex-boyfriend. Negative thinking does no good. Remember the law of attraction. Try to stay positive to attract more positivity into your life. Use affirmations to remain positive.
Some to try:
I am healing.
I have faith that the Universe will fill my life with love and joy.
I am creating happiness in my life.
2. That beautiful shirt he bought you, either toss it out or box it up and get it out of your sight. This goes for anything that brings back strong memories about the relationship. If you cannot bear to throw something away, box it up, give it to someone or sell it. Physical items contain energy, and you want new, fresh energy in your life. Exercise. Exercise is a great way to release stress. Get moving. Walk, go to the gym or play tennis: the important point is to begin moving. It might be easy and comfortable to stay on the couch in front of the television. Do the uncomfortable, get some fresh air.
3. Take out your journal and write a letter to your ex. Go deep and write about what you are feeling. Begin the letter with, “I forgive ___________ for______________ because__________.” Then, write a letter from your ex to you in response to your letter. Begin that letter with the same sentence. Keep writing until you have nothing else left to say.
4. Get a large piece of paper and your markers. Draw a picture of your ideal day. What would you be doing throughout it? What kind of relationship would you want in your ideal life? Write some description adjectives next your your pictures. What color is dominate? Have fun and dream BIG! When you complete your drawing, place it where you can see it every day.
Spend 5 minutes sitting quietly and focusing on your breath.
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Online dating sites are the norm these days. I have written several blogs about tips for women, but, today I decided to write some online dating tips for men, based on my experiences on several of the sites.
1. Age – Do not lie about your age. A lie is a lie. Many times when I would talk to a man for the first time, he would say, “My pictures are recent and everything in my profile is correct except my age. For searching purposes I put in a younger age”. Please, if my profile says I prefer not to date someone over the age of 64, why would he think it is ok that you are 69? Be honest.
2. Photos – My advice, no selfies. Also, wear a shirt. I did not like seeing a bare chest in the main picture. Would you show up on a first date like that? And, smile, a mean look is not appealing. Online dating is scary enough for me. I do not need someone that looks ready for a fight. Photos with you and Mom are not the greatest to put either.
3. “What I am looking for”– List something other than physical characteristics. So many profiles would say: someone athletic and in great shape. I am more than my physical body.
4. Spell check your profile.
5. Do not use “lol”. Way overused.
6. Try to make your profile positive. So many man would list things they do not want. For example, “If you are looking for someone to take care of you, I am not the guy”. A huge list of demands tells me you are close minded.
7. Height and weight. – Be honest, get on the scale and get out the yard stick, do not misguide either.
8. Avoid the terms: honey, sweetie, and cutie. That tells me you are in contact with lots and lots of ladies and cannot remember their names.
What other advice do you have for men?
One in 10 Americans are actively involved in online dating. Have you ever tried it? I have tried most of the popular dating sites. I, like most people, get tired of the process. But, my philosophy is, if you don’t try, you are 100% assured of meeting no one online. As one of my dear friends says, “A man is not just going to show up on our front porch”.
There is a new study about online dating tips that was published in the Journal of Evidenced Based Medicine. The study was done by two doctors, Dr. Khan and Dr. Chaudhry. Dr. Chaudhry’s online dating attempts were not successful. So they decided to research the data and study it in the hopes of improving Dr. Chaudhry chances of success. They focused on 86 studies. This is what they found.
1. Success begins with choosing a user name. Men prefer user names that are linked to a physical trait. (Like Cutie). Women prefer user names that show intelligence. Both sexes like playful names.
2. User names from the first half of the alphabet do better than user names from the last half of the alphabet.
3. Successful profiles are divided by 70:30 ratio. Seventy percent of the profile with personal information and 30% gives a description of the desired partner.
4. Honest, likable profiles with humor were desirable.
5. Photos showing the user standing and smiling worked the best.
6. The best profiles were not too perfect.
Maybe it is time to redo you online profile using the above research tips. I think it is a good idea to have a friend read your profile. You may be omitting some great qualities about yourself. It is also good to add some new photos. Mix things up a bit.
You might also try some online dating apps. They are gaining in popularity. Tinder and The League are two popular ones. The important thing with any dating is to be smart and careful.
My theme for February has been love and romance. To continue with that theme, let’s make a vision board for love this month. Having a “visual” to look at helps employ an extra modality. It supports the feeling of giving and receiving love to permeate your entire being. My first career was as an exceptional education teacher. I taught multiply handicapped children. My lesson plans involved using as many modalities as possible to teach a concept. For example, if I was introducing a letter of the alphabet, I would employ touch, taste, visual and auditory stimulation. To introduce the letter “A”, I would have them say “A” out loud, show the letter “A”, touch the letter “A” in sandpaper or clay, and taste an apple.
“Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere,
They’re in each other all along”
Follow these steps to design your vision board for love.
1. Gather together a poster board, scissors, glue, and colorful markers. I usually like to use a foam board. There are no rules for the size of the board
2. Search the Internet and magazines for photos that you feel represent love and romance.
3. A photo of yourself looking happy.
Making the Vision Board for Love:
1. Put the photo of yourself in the middle of the board.
2. Surround your photo with photos from magazines and the Internet that illicit the feeling of love in your heart. This is a very personal decision. Look for photos of happy couples and couples in love.
3. Use the colorful markers to write quotes about love and romance.
4. Decorate the poster with other fun things: stars, airline tickets (if you want to travel), ribbons, and flowers.
5. Leave some room for other photos or quotes you may find in the future.
6. Place this vision board where you can see it every day.
Did you have fun doing this project? Where are you going to put your vision board?
Another new term I learned about dating: ghosting. This is so not ok and so disrespectful. If you are dating, it has probably happened to you, but, you may not be familiar with the term. With texting, the Internet, and on-line dating, ghosting has become more prevalent, even though it is easier to communicate without a face to face confrontation. So, what is ghosting? Well, you have been seeing someone for a while and then without any warning, you never hear from them again. They have dropped off the face of the earth. They just “ghosted” away from you. So here is how you can deal with ghosting in dating.
This happened to me last summer. I had been dating someone for about 5 weeks. We lived in different cities and had plans to get together in the fall. We exchanged emails in the early fall and that was it. I was ghosted without warning. Of course, I did what I will recommend you not do, I kept going over our last date and what I said or did wrong. Online dating makes ghosting easier because they can just go on to the next one. Sometimes I wish for the good old days when I took woodworking classes to meet men. By the way, I did not meet anyone to date in woodworking class, but, I made a beautiful cutting board and checker board.
What to do if you have been ghosted:
- Know that this is not cool. You are owed a better level of respect.
- Keep your dignity. Maybe text once to see if they are ok and that is it. If they do not respond, move on.
- Realize that you are not the problem. It was nothing that you said or did. As difficult as it may be to admit, he is a jerk and a coward. You deserve more.
- Be thankful that the relationship did not go further. This type of person is afraid of confrontation and it not relationship material
- If he does reappear, you need a sincere apology.
Have you ever been ghosted? How did you handle it?
This week we celebrate Valentine’s Day. “Celebrate” may be too strong of a word if you are going to spend the day alone and single. Many of my single friends refuse to out on Valentine’s Day if they do not have a date. Well this year, even if you do not have a date, make it a great day filled with love for YOU! Pamper yourself, discover some things about yourself and maybe perform one of the love rituals. You can enjoy a Valentine’s Day Alone.
If you are alone, would you rather be miserable with an ex? Probably not. Look at being alone as an opportunity to do whatever it is that you want. It is your choice to have a pity party today or make it a wonderful day. You do not need a man in your life to enjoy the day.
Begin by asking yourself these questions. They can provide insight into how you would like to pamper yourself.
1. If you had one year to live, what would be most important to you to do and be in that time?
2. What makes your heart sing?
3. What are ten things in life you would like to do purely for the fun of it?
4. What have you done in life that you would like to do more of?
5. What do you want to learn? What skills do you want to master?
Now, based on your answers to these questions, make an action plan to pamper yourself on Valentine’s Day. Do something special for yourself. Remember times as a child when you woke up on a summer morning so excited for the day ahead. Plan Valentine’s Day with that feeling in mind. So you wake up excited and filled with energy.
Remember the law of attraction: what you focus on you bring into your life. Try to not focus on the lack of a relationship in your life. Be grateful for what you do have in your life today. With this attitude, I doubt you will be alone on Valentine’s Day next year.
What are you planning to do on Valentine’s Day?
Often when we think of Valentine’s Day we think of love, romance, and roses. I remember my first memorable Valentine’s Day after my divorce. My date took me to a special dinner, dancing, and bought me romantic gifts. I use to dread the day because more often than not I spent it alone. Now if I have a date that is great, but, if not, I still make it a wonderful day. Today I challenge you to do something special and loving for yourself. The more you can truly love yourself, the more you can love others and receive the love they have to give. With our busy schedules, it is easy to put ourselves last. Today change that and try one of my fun ideas for Valentines Day.
In his book “Falling into Grace”, Adyashanti says:
“As I often tell my students, the person you’ll have the hardest time opening to and truly loving without reserve is yourself. Once you can do that, you can love the whole universe unconditionally. But is all starts with you.”
1. Take a “love” bath. This bath is fabulous to relax you and increase your energy flow to help attract that special someone. Place rose scented candles around your bath room. Fill the tub and add 10 drops of rose oil. You can also put roses around the bathroom and some petals in the water. Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. Imagine your heart area encased in a shimmering pink light. Gradually that pink light surrounds your entire body. Now spend some time imaging the relationship you would like to manifest. What qualities does he have? Make a mental list. Feel that you and he have already connected. When you are finished, say a prayer of gratitude to the Universe and have faith.
2. Spend some time journaling about the best Valentine’s Day you ever had. Write out the details. Feel the emotions you felt on that special day. What were you wearing? What made it so special? Did you go to dinner, if so, what did you eat? What was the weather like? What was your date wearing? What made it so special?
3. If you want to attract a relationship, spend time writing an affirmation 10 times. Use red ink. Some suggestions: “I am a magnet of love, attracting my dreams and desires to me now”. “I am a loving person and I will receive the love I want”. “I am a valuable partner and I am attracting love”.
Happy Valentine’s Day! What did you do for yourself today?