Monthly Archives: January 2016

4 Ways to Deal With Unpleasant Thoughts

By: Gloria Marie

divorce, divorced, divorced women,

We are bombarded on a daily basis with unpleasant media, thoughts, and events. To remain positive and in a state of love and grace is not easy. It is something that requires vigilance and awareness. Dealing with unpleasant thoughts is easy once you become aware of your thoughts. Try these 4 ways to deal with unpleasant thoughts.

First, become aware and then change can occur. Try spending just part of one day being mindful of your thoughts. Every time you have a negative or fearful thought, mark it down on a sheet of paper. Did you find any surprises?

Sometimes you can actually feel the fearful thoughts in your body, especially around your solar plexus. The solar plexus is about two inches above your navel. Try scanning your body next time you have some unpleasant thoughts and see if you can “feel” them. Again, first becomes awareness and then change.

The past several years, I have had to face many fears. Most days I think I am going along pretty darn well and then I hear a word or sentence uttered by someone and bam, the fear returns along with that awful feeling in my solar plexus. Let’s face it, many of our fears have been with us our whole life. They have a long history in our minds, but, we can deal with them and the sooner we dispel the negative thought the better.

Try this next time you are dealing with unpleasant thoughts.

1. When a fearful thought arises pray and demand that it go. Relay on the power of God for help.
2. Try saying, “I refuse to accept this thought and the mental and physical condition it has brought on me.”
3. Become aware of what you read and what media you watch. It is not necessary to know of every murder, robbery, or crime. Also, become aware of the books you read. I believe in reading the news, but, I do not engage in the negative thoughts. I release them.
4. When an unpleasant thought arises, close your eyes and picture a beautiful beach or mountain scene. When you open your eyes, do you feel a difference?

We are meant to have happy, cheerful, loving and beautiful thoughts and you CAN; give it a try!

Spread Some Kindness Today

By: Gloria Marie

divorce, divorced, divorce advice, kindness meditation, divorced

Some days, I find it a little more difficult to meditate. On those days, I prefer to use a guided meditation. One of my favorite meditation apps is Buddify2. It is easy to navigate and has a wonderful variety of meditations to choose from. They have meditations for feeling stressed, going to sleep, in nature and many, many more. They meditations also vary in length. I love the steps for a “Kindness” meditation that I describe below. Let’s all try to spread some kindness today.
Today there was a lunar eclipse. As a cancer, lunar phases seem to affect me. This lunar eclipse made me feel anxious, so, I thought I needed to take the emphasis off of “me” and put my energy into others. I needed to get out of my own head and connect with others. So, I chose the Buddify 2 “Kind” meditation.  It felt so good to send love, kindness, and peace to another individual.  We could all use extra kindness in our lives.

This is my version of the “Kind” Meditation.
The steps for the Kindness Meditation.
1. Take a few minutes to sit still and take a few deep breaths.
2. Think about someone you love or have affection for. The first person that comes to mind is probably the one you want to direct your energy to. Silently repeat the following phrase while visualizing this person in your mind. “I wish you love and happiness”. Repeat this phrase silently for a few minutes. Then, picture your heart surrounded by beautiful pink light. Visualize this light growing and growing. Surround the person you are thinking about with this beautiful pink light, from your heart to theirs.
3. Choose a second person that you love or have affection for. Repeat the above. Silently repeating,” I wish you love and happiness”. Then visualize the beautiful pink light from your heart to theirs.
4. Now repeat the above on yourself. Silently repeat, “I wish you love and happiness”. Then visualize your entire body surrounded with pink light.
5. Take a few deep breaths and slowly open your eyes.
Did you feel more relaxed?

PEACE Practice for Mindfulness

By: Gloria Marie

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The present moment is tolerable.  Living in the past or worrying about the future creates stress in our lives. We cannot change the past nor can we control everything that happens in the future. Mindfulness, being present in the moment, is a practice. It is a practice that can help you deal with stressful situations. This week I challenge you to try the PEACE practice for mindfulness.

Begin practicing mindfulness for the small difficulties you face every day, so, when larger situations arise, the loss of a job, a death in your family, or a major move, the practice will be automatic.

There are many ways to practice mindfulness and you may try several ways until you find one that you like.  This week try the PEACE practice for small irritations that come into your life.

P – P is for pause.  Just stop and become aware of your surroundings. Take note of how you are standing or sitting. This will help you get in the present moment.

E – E is for exhale. Take a deep breath in, count to three and then exhale.  It might help to stand up and put your hand on your stomach to ensure you are taking deep breaths.

A – A is for acknowledge.  Do not try to suppress or ignore your feelings.  Take a few minutes to become aware of what you are feeling. Are you angry, frightened, jealous, or heartbroken? Scan your body and get a sense of where your body is holding onto those feelings.

C – C is for choice.  When you are ready, you have a choice how you respond or react. You are in control of your mind and thoughts. Our thoughts become things. Choose your thoughts wisely.  Try positive statements that begin with I am.   I am able to handle this.  I am enough.

E – E is for engage. After you have paused, exhaled, allowed and chosen your response, you are ready to engage with people and life.

This week try the PEACE practice.  Let me know if it helped you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Forgiveness is the Key to Happiness

By: Gloria Marie

forgiveness, divorce, divorced, divorced women

Forgiveness is the key to happiness. Resentment, anger, and grief over past relationships hold a tremendous amount of energy. It is important to release the negative energy in order for more positive relationships to flow into your life. It is almost like creating a “space” for something or someone new to enter. Below I describe one technique I use to forgive and move on. This exercise can work not only for romantic relationships, it can work for any relationship that needs healing and closure.

There was one man I dated for several months. I felt the relationship was a convenience instead of a priority. The relationship did not progress. Every date was like the “first” date, no more no less. I used this exercise to get the courage to end the relationship and to move on.

In order to release myself and my energy from a relationship, I would write a letter to them. Sometimes it was just one letter other times six or seven. No one would ever see the letters. When I felt I wrote all I need to, I would follow the steps I list below. It provided closure and healing.

This is a powerful exercise.
1. Get a piece of paper and a pen. Sit in a comfortable chair in a quiet space. Take a few deep breaths. Write a letter to the person you need to forgive or the person you need to let go of. Take your time. Write your feelings about them; how they hurt you, how that felt, how you may have done things differently. There is no rule as to how long the letter has to be, keep writing until you have nothing else to say to them. When you feel you have written enough, at the bottom of the letter wish them well and sign your name.

2. Tear the letter up into small pieces and then do one of the following: a) Put them in a pan and burn them. Obviously, be very careful with this step. As you watch them burn say a prayer for the person the letter is addressed or at least wish them happiness b) Bury the pieces of paper in the ground. As you cover them with dirt, say a prayer for the person the letter is addressed to.

3. Repeat this as often as needed, until you feel you have forgiven and released the person. You know you have released this person’s energy when you no longer feel any strong emotion when you think of them.

How many letters did your forgiveness take?

6 Ways to Set Your Tone for the Day

By: Gloria Marie

6 ways to set your tone for the day, divorce, divorced, divorced women

How do you start your morning? The way you start it, can shape the rest of your day. Do you upon waking think, “Oh darn, another day?” Every day is a gift from God. Many people did not wake up this morning to experience another day. What if you knew today that it would be your last, would you plan it differently? Try these 6 ways to set your tone for the day.

We are human beings and it is normal to wake up some days with dread, especially if you are going through a trying time or a transition. If I have a problem in my life, I may wake up and first think, “Oh no, it is still there, it did not go away while I was asleep.” But, then I change my thoughts and thank God for the opportunity of another day. I feel gratitude before my feet touch the floor.

Taking just a few minutes every morning to practice gratitude or spend some moments in silence can shape the rest of your day. If you learn to control your thoughts and allow them to remain positive in the morning before you enter your day, gradually you will be able to control your thoughts throughout the day. It takes patience and practice, but, it works!

Ways to Start Your Day
1. Say a few prayers.
2. Write in a journal.
3. Spend 5 minutes in silence, concentrating on your breath. Inhale and exhale. When your mind wanders, keep coming back to focusing on your breath.
4. Read a daily devotional for inspiration. “Around the Year with Emmet Fox” is one of my favorites.
5. Meditate for a few minutes on a mantra. “OM” is a sacred sound you can try.
6. Visualize a soothing scene: a sunrise, the ocean, or a mountain stream.

The above suggestions are also great tools to use if you have a stressful situation in your day.

I challenge you to try this for the next 10 days and see if it makes a difference. Our thoughts manifest in our lives. Start the day and set the tone with positive, peaceful thoughts. It works!

Just set your alarm to get up five minutes earlier.

Start Journaling This Year

By: Gloria Marie

journal, divorce, divorce advice, divorced women

Researchers have found that writing about emotions and stress can boost immune function. Studies have been done at both University of Texas at Austin and Syracuse University. Being single or divorced certainly can increase stress and can be very emotional at times. Journaling is a very convenient, easy way to express emotions and feelings. There is not much required: a journal or blank notebook and a pen. Journaling is portable; you can take a small journal with you to record thoughts or insights during your day. Try to start journaling this year.

Today’s Exercise
Sit is a quiet place where you will not be distributed. You may want to light a candle. Silently ask yourself the following question:
“What do I desire?”
Spend a few minutes just being: quietly sitting. Do not judge any thoughts that come up and do not try to find the answer. Just be. By silently asking the question, you have put it out in the Universe and asked the deepest part of you.
After a few minutes, take out your journal and being writing. Just write, let your pen flow. Do not judge what you write. Take a deep breath and continue writing. There are no rules as to the length or the time you spend.
After you are finished writing, take a deep breath, read over what you wrote. Then complete the following sentence:
“I am manifesting………”
This is a powerful exercise to bring your desires into your life. Is it a new job, more income, a boyfriend, more friends? Write your “I am manifesting” statement in your journal before you go to sleep. Our thoughts manifest. Start manifesting positive changes in your life.

Sometimes, I will write a letter to God.  I write about what I am grateful for and also about any problems or decisions I need to make. It helps me clarify my thoughts to move forward with confidence.

What is Your Intention for 2016?

By: Gloria Marie

divorce advice, divorce, divorced women, single women, single happy strong

We have talked about New Year’s Resolutions. That list that we physically or mentally make at the end of each year. Can you still remember yours? This year, I want to set an intention for 2016. With one intention, it is easier to remember and easier to move toward your goal. What is your intention for 2016?

What do you want 2016 to look like? What part of your life do you want to see grow? Maybe your intention is to have 2016 the year you fall in love, or the year you lose those 10 extra pounds or maybe the year you start your own blog.

When thinking about this, leave all old negative thoughts and limitations in 2015. This is a new year and you can change your thoughts, control your thinking and manifest what you want.

If you are having trouble deciding on your one, great intention. Draw a mind map. Get a sheet of paper and in the middle of it write, “What makes me happy?” Draw lines from this question and in circles write what comes into your mind.  Get creative and have fun.  Next, choose one area for your intention.

Some ideas

  • My family
  • Looking good
  • Financial stability
  • Finding love
  • Traveling

Write…. 2016 is the year of __________________. Keep it in a place where you will see it every day. Try every week to take an action step toward your intention. Even if you take tip toe steps, you are telling the Universe that you want change. Go for it!

Our intentions can manifest into our lives. The key is to concentrate on it and keep your thoughts and actions positive. Guard your words and your thoughts. Eliminate the, “I cannot”, “I should” and the “Nothing ever changes in my life.” The change you are looking for can be right around the corner. This is a new year and a great time to leave old habits behind.

“The Homemade Kitchen”: Recipes for Cooking with Pleasure

By: Gloria Marie

the homeade kitchen, divorce divorce advice, divorced

“The Homemade Kitchen” by Alana Chernila is more than a cookbook with recipes, it teaches you how to cook. The recipes are wonderful and fit for many occasions. The photographs that accompany the recipes and the other photographs in the book are beautiful. Alana weaves stories throughout the book that are delightful.

Alana Chernila has taped to her fridge the following phrases: Start where you are. Feed yourself. Do your best, and then let go. Be helpful. Do the work. Slow down. Eat outside. Invite people over. Don’t be afraid of food. These are also the titles of some of the chapters.

There are sections on how to make pasta, how to cook grains, how to make a salad and how to store vegetables. Every time I pick up this book, I learn something new. It is so beautifully written that you will enjoy doing home cooking.

Some of my favorite recipes include; stuffed winter squash, broccoli rabe with cheddar polenta, chicken pot pie and lentils to go with beer.  With every recipe, she explains how she created the recipe and gives a little background. The recipes are easy to follow and most contain ingredients that can be found at any grocery store.

I have always wanted to make fresh pasta, just like my Mother did. The simple directions that Alana gives, will have me give it a try this year!

“The Homemade Kitchen” is a cookbook that you will read and refer to often. Alana’s love of cooking is contagious.

I received this book from Blogging for Books in order to write this review.

5 Ways to Deal with a Broken Heart

By: Gloria Marie

broken heart, divorce, divorce advice, divorce the divorce

Dating is part of a single women’s life. Having a broken heart at some point may become a reality. It hurts, it’s uncomfortable and many emotions will wash over you. I like to think of every relationship like a brick in the foundation of the new me I am creating. If one relationship doesn’t work out, maybe it prepared me in some way for the next one. After all, we are a work in progress, brick by brick. Try these 5 ways to deal with a broken heart.

When a relationship does not work out, I like to ask myself, “What was the lesson this situation has brought to me?” “How can I grow from this experience?” These are very powerful questions to ask yourself. Spend some quiet time, centered in the moment and think about this. The present moment is always the best teacher.

5 Ways to Deal with a Broken Heart

1. Try to avoid negative thoughts about yourself or your ex-boyfriend. Negative thinking does no good. Remember the law of attraction. Try to stay positive to attract more positivity into your life.
2. That beautiful shirt he bought you, either toss is out or box it up and get it out of your sight. This goes for anything that brings back strong memories about the relationship. If you cannot bear to throw something away: box it up, give it to someone or sell it. Physical items contain energy and you want new, fresh energy in your life.
3. Exercise. Exercise is a great way to release stress. Get moving. Walk, go to the gym, play tennis: the important point is to begin moving. It might be easy and comfortable to stay on the couch in front of the television. Do the uncomfortable, get some fresh air.

4. Pamper Yourself. Do something special for yourself. Some suggestions are: take a long, warm bath, get a massage, take a trip, go to the movies, get a manicure and pedicure, or visit a great restaurant.

5. Journal. – Spend some time journaling your feelings.  It is ok to be angry, depressed or sad.

 

What have you done to deal with a broken heart?

3 Easy Ways to Keep New Year’s Resolutions

By: Gloria Marie

new's years resolutions, divorce, divorce advice, divorced women

In my blog last week, I wrote about reflecting on the past year and thinking about the New Year ahead. Even if you did not make any resolutions, there might be parts of your life that you would like to change or improve in 2016. Try these 3 easy ways to keep New Year’s resolutions.

Usually, there are four areas for us to initiate change: finances, work, relationships, and health. If we can think of these four areas like spokes on a wheel, the center to all of them is spirituality. It is what ties all the areas together and spirituality is what helps us change and survive any difficult times. Do your New Year’s Resolutions include one of these areas?

3 Easy Ways to Keep Your New Year’s Resolutions

1. Take small steps. – If you start with small steps, you are more likely to stick with it. For example, maybe your resolution is to join a gym and workout. If you have ever been to a gym in January, you know this is a popular resolution. The gym is very crowded for about a month and then in February, it goes back to the usual members. So, a small step might be to commit to one class and one other workout each week. Or if getting to the gym is proving to be hard, go to the gym once a week and take a walk once a week.
2. Pick only two or three changes or resolutions to start. – Last month I wrote a review on a new book by Deepak Chopra called “Super Genes.” He listed six areas for change and gave checklists with many choices to pick from. Deepak stressed to pick only one or two items to change. He felt that would be a great start and realistic. When you see the difference a few changes can make, you will add other ones. For example, if you want to eat healthier in 2016 make one or two changes to start. You might go meatless one day a week and commit to eating a salad every day.
3. Commit to a spiritual practice every day. – A consistent spiritual practice will help you keep those changes and also help you deal with whatever 2016 has in store for you. It could be prayer, meditation, inspirational reading, spending time in nature or spending time in silence. There are a myriad of ways and this just might be the most important commitment you make this year.