Monthly Archives: July 2015

Life as a River

By: Gloria Marie

divorce, divorced women, single happy strong, divorce the divorce

Our life flows and ebbs like a river. There is constant movement. Usually though, we resist the movement. Our distractions and our rigidity to change gets us caught on logs or rocks in the river. We stop the flow instead of going with it. Try to image your life as a river and go with the flow.

A few summers ago, my son and I were on the Snake River. Across the river were a family of otters. It was delightful watching them play, going under water and then popping back up. They followed the flow of the river with trust and abandonment. We could use a lesson from these otters and try to go with the flow of our life like the flow of a river.

The rocks and logs represent our need to control outcomes even though sometimes there is nothing we can do to control them. We can set clear intentions with the Universe, remain focused and stay flexible.

Try these steps to “flow” like a river:

1. Set clear intentions.
2. Stay focused on your desires. Think- The Law of Attraction.
3. Remain non-judgmental and let go of the outcomes.
4. Stay flexible on how your intentions will materialize.
5. When obstacles come up, keep an open mind and work through them.
6. Remain open to receiving.
7. Remember that life, like a river continually flows and changes.

Your intentions will set the process in motion. They may come packaged very different from what you expected. It also may take more time to materialize than you would like. Remain flexible and go with the flow.

Find some music or a You Tube video that gives the sound of a rushing river. Keep it handy and when you feel resistance use that sound as a gentle reminder.

4 Ways to Deal with a Broken Heart

By: Gloria Marie

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The following is a chapter from my book, “Divorce the Divorce: a 52 Step Journey to Creating Unlimited Happiness”.  This chapter gives 4 ways to deal with a broken heart.

Chapter 12

Ways to Deal with a Broken Heart

“The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be.”
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Dating is part of a single women’s life. Having a broken heart at some point may become a reality. It hurts, it’s uncomfortable, and many emotions will wash over you. I like to think of every relationship like a brick in the foundation of the new me I am creating. If one relationship doesn’t work out, maybe it prepared me in some way for the next one. After all, we are a work in progress, brick by brick, experience by experience.

A broken heart is not fun. But loss is a part of life. Congratulate yourself that you had the courage to love again. That is progress. You will get through this new loss, grow stronger and find love again.

When a relationship does not work out, I like to ask myself, “What was the lesson this situation has brought to me?” “How can I grow from this experience?” These are very powerful questions to ask yourself. Spend some quiet time centered in the moment and think about this. The present moment is always the best teacher. I try not to ignore my feeling of loss, despair, and helplessness, and I know in time I will heal once again. Until then, I treat myself with compassion and love.

Activity
1. Try to avoid negative thoughts about yourself or your ex-boyfriend. Negative thinking does no good. Remember the law of attraction. Try to stay positive to attract more positivity into your life. Use affirmations to remain positive.
Some to try:
I am healing.
I have faith that the Universe will fill my life with love and joy.
I am creating happiness in my life.
2. That beautiful shirt he bought you, either toss it out or box it up and get it out of your sight. This goes for anything that brings back strong memories about the relationship. If you cannot bear to throw something away, box it up, give it to someone or sell it. Physical items contain energy, and you want new, fresh energy in your life. Exercise. Exercise is a great way to release stress. Get moving. Walk, go to the gym or play tennis: the important point is to begin moving. It might be easy and comfortable to stay on the couch in front of the television. Do the uncomfortable, get some fresh air.
3. Take out your journal and write a letter to your ex. Go deep and write about what you are feeling. Begin the letter with, “I forgive ___________ for______________ because__________.” Then, write a letter from your ex to you in response to your letter. Begin that letter with the same sentence. Keep writing until you have nothing else left to say.
4. Get a large piece of paper and your markers. Draw a picture of your ideal day. What would you be doing throughout it? What kind of relationship would you want in your ideal life? Write some description adjectives next your your pictures.  What color is dominate? Have fun and dream BIG!   When you complete your drawing, place it where you can see it every day.

Mid-Week Delight
Spend 5 minutes sitting quietly and focusing on your breath.

Purchase “Divorce the Divorce: a 52 Step Journey to Create Unlimited Happiness” on Amazon.

Use this link.

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Divorce the Divorce

By: Gloria Marie

divorce advice, divorce, divorced women

Thank you to Katrina, the author of the blog, “figuring out 40″, for this review of my book.

You can find Katrina”s website here.

“Divorce the Divorce” Book Review           

I’m going to cut to the chase on this one: if I had written a book nearly 3 years ago when I divorced, this book would be its twin. During the build-up and the aftermath, I had countless conversations with my best friends about doing the work. This book is all about that work. Even if you’re NOT divorced, and not planning to be divorced…you should still read this book (just explain it to your spouse ahead of time to prevent any misunderstanding).

What I loved: So much! Breaking down the work into weekly areas of focus is brilliant. Each chapter/week has a focus, an activity, and a mid-week “delight.” Two of my favorites (that were definitely a part of my post-divorce learnings)… Morning Rituals (Chapter 19) and Believe & Succeed in 30 Days (Chapter 42). The book explores meditation, gratitude, affirmations, vision boarding…all practices that were (and continue to be) central to the way that I rebuilt my life. Gloria’s style is friendly & honest. She shares her own experiences throughout the book, which brings an authenticity that was key for me.

What I left: really, nothing…I nodded my head in agreement throughout the entire book. The only thing that I’d suggest leaving is the belief that this book is only useful after a divorce (note – that’s not the author’s belief. I just think that many people will skip over this book b/c of the title). I think everyone can benefit from a 52 Step Journey to Create Unlimited Happiness.

Gloria, thank you so much for sharing this book with me!

Sleepless Night?

By: Gloria Marie

divorce, divorced women, single women, single happy strong

Normally, I have no problems getting a really good night’s sleep, but, every now and then I find myself awake all night. Have you ever had that problem? For no apparent reason, the clock is at 2, then 3, then 4, 5 and finally at 6 I get up. Well, that happened to me last night and it was a long time since I had experienced it. None of my usual “going back to sleep” remedies worked.

At 6:00, I longed to stay in bed, but, I felt that was not the answer. I was determined to get up and have a productive day and be very loving and kind to myself.
This was my strategy!
1. Upon getting up, I had a glass of water with lemon in it. I limited my coffee to ½ cup.
2. I meditated for 20 minutes. This helped to give me energy.
3. After my meditation, I spent a few minutes thinking about if there was anything I was trying to avoid and perhaps that was why I could not sleep.
4. I sat down and made a list of what I “needed” to accomplish, because I knew without a list and/or an action plan, it would be very easy to let the day slip by. Then, I put stars by the most difficult tasks, so, I would do those first.
5. Instead of complaining about my lack of sleep, I wrote down 10 things that I am grateful for. This is a wonderful way to change your energy.
6. I drank over 8 glasses of water during the day and ate meals that were light and healthy.
7. Exercise – I forced myself to go to the gym. I did a light workout, 30 minutes on the treadmill.
8. No naps.
9. I plan on having a quiet evening and going to bed at my usual time.

Chronic sleeplessness can be serious or can be caused by a medical condition that requires a doctor’s care. But, for a sleepless night every now and then, try my 9 steps.

5 Ways to Manage Anxiety

By: Gloria Marie

divorced women. divorce, anxiety

When we feel anxious, it is usually because we are not living in the present moment. Stress or anxiety is fear based. We worry about what “may” happen in the future or we have regrets about the past. We cannot change the past, learn from it and move on. We can prepare for future, but, we cannot control everything that will happen in our future. There is no power in worry. Try these 5 ways to manage anxiety and see if you feel better.

1. Worry Exercise. Get a sheet of paper and draw three columns on it. Mark these three heading at the top of the columns: What caused the worry? Did worry change the situation? Did it enhance the situation by worrying? This next week, fill this out when you worrying. See if you find any patterns in your behavior. Can you release some of your worries?
2. Gratitude is the best attitude. Next time you are feeling anxious, write down ten things that you are grateful for.
3. Breathe. Stop what you are doing and take 5 deep breaths. Concentrate on your breath going in and out of your nostrils.
4. Affirmations. Words are powerful. A favorite quote of mine from James Allen, “all that we achieve and all that we fail to achieve is the direct result of our own thoughts.” Write out some positive affirmations and say them out loud. Remember they are always written in the present tense. Some examples are: I love and approve of myself. The past is over. It is only a thought and thoughts can be changed. I trust the process of life.
5. Exercise. Head out to the gym, go for a walk, or put on a You Tube exercise video. Get that body moving on a daily basis.

Try to find one or two of these that work for you. Begin using them, so, they become habits.

How do you handle anxiety?

Online Dating Tips for Men

By: Gloria Marie

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Online dating sites are the norm these days. I have written several blogs about tips for women, but, today I decided to write some online dating tips for men, based on my experiences on several of the sites.

1. Age – Do not lie about your age. A lie is a lie. Many times when I would talk to a man for the first time, he would say, “My pictures are recent and everything in my profile is correct except my age. For searching purposes I put in a younger age”. Please, if my profile says I prefer not to date someone over the age of 64, why would he think it is ok that you are 69? Be honest.
2. Photos – My advice, no selfies. Also, wear a shirt. I did not like seeing a bare chest in the main picture. Would you show up on a first date like that? And, smile, a mean look is not appealing. Online dating is scary enough for me. I do not need someone that looks ready for a fight. Photos with you and Mom are not the greatest to put either.
3. “What I am looking for”– List something other than physical characteristics. So many profiles would say: someone athletic and in great shape. I am more than my physical body.
4. Spell check your profile.
5. Do not use “lol”. Way overused.
6. Try to make your profile positive. So many man would list things they do not want. For example, “If you are looking for someone to take care of you, I am not the guy”. A huge list of demands tells me you are close minded.
7. Height and weight. – Be honest, get on the scale and get out the yard stick, do not misguide either.
8. Avoid the terms: honey, sweetie, and cutie. That tells me you are in contact with lots and lots of ladies and cannot remember their names.

What other advice do you have for men?

Gratitude is Powerful

By: Gloria Marie

divorce, divorced women, divorced, single happy strong

The following is an excerpt from my book, “Divorce the Divorce: a 52 Step Journey to Create Unlimited Happiness”. This chapter is on gratitude. You do not need to be going through a divorce to practice gratitude. It is a powerful tool for anyone. Try these eight steps to become a magnet to attract more positive elements in your life. Make a commitment to yourself to start today!

Gratitude

“Owing to the vibratory power of words, whatever man voices, he begins to attract.”
-Florence Scovel Shinn

One simple thing that can make your life better is gratitude. Our words carry tremendous energy. Living and feeling with a sense of lack in your life, you are going to create more lack. By focusing on gratitude and the many wonderful gifts you are given every day, you will surround yourself with more positive energy and bring more joy into your life. This is the spiritual Law of Attraction.

Before my feet touch the floor in the morning, I thank God for another day. It is not only the obvious things to be grateful for but also the not so obvious things. Did someone smile at you today? Did you see the sky today? Did you have clean water to drink? Some days it may be difficult to find something to be grateful for; we all have days like that. But on days like that it is even more important to change your energy and find something to be grateful for. Try to expand the feeling throughout your body and heart. In difficult times being grateful will change your perspective, and it will allow more happiness to enter your life.

On the mirror in my bathroom, I have an index card with the following saying, “I am grateful for what I have, and I welcome all the gifts this day will bring.” Isn’t that a beautiful way to start a day?

When negative thoughts of fear and doubt enter your mind, focus on gratitude. Gratitude is a higher vibration aligned with love. You thoughts can become a magnet and attract more positive elements into your life when you live each day in love and gratitude. With practice, you can align yourself in this state.

“If the only prayer you say in your whole life is
“Thank You,” that would suffice.”
-Meister Eckhart

Activity
Try this experiment this week:
1. Get your journal.
2. Write down ten things that you are grateful for today.
3. Read the list out loud. Try to feel the gratitude throughout your body, especially in your heart area.
4. Every day this week, read your list out loud and have the feeling of gratitude permeate your entire body.
5. In addition, add 3 more items to your list every day. Do not repeat any of the items. This may take some time in silence to dig deep within.
6. In order to commit to this plan, pick a time in your day or night that you will do this activity.
7. Continue adding 3 items and reading them out loud all week. At the end of the week, you will have 28 items to be grateful for.
8. When fear, stress, or worry set in, take out this list and read it.

Use the power of words to become a magnet and attract more of what you want in your life.

Journal
How did you feel at the end of the week?
Did you become more aware of some of the Blessings in your life?

Mid-Week Delight
Write a new affirmation

Click on this Amazon link to buy the book!

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Desiderata

By: Gloria Marie

divorce advice, divorce, single happy strong, affirmations

A friend and I were talking this morning that there will always be people who have more than us and people who have less. He started reciting the beautiful poem, Desiderata. This poem is filled with so much wisdom. I had not read it in years, but, I came home pulled out my copy and spent some time soaking in its powerful message. I hope you enjoy reading Desiderata.

My copy of Desiderata was type written on an old fashioned typewriter by my dear Aunt Ida. She passed on many years ago but, I cherish this copy and it reminds me of the timeless knowledge in this poem.

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be critical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy.

©Max Ehrmann

 

 

 

3 Steps to Let Go of Your Past

By: Gloria Marie

divorce, divorced, divorced women, single happy strong,

When I think of letting go of the past, the first thing that comes to mind is forgiveness. Have I forgiven everyone that I need to? Or maybe it is to let go of past material things? A former house? A former job? But, recently, I thought I needed to let go of repeating “patterns” from my past. I needed to change the way I thought and reacted to them. These are 3 steps to let go of your past.

We are constantly changing, growing and evolving so our patterns from the past can change, if we become aware of them. Think of one area of your life that you fear or that gives you an uncomfortable feeling in your solar plexus (the area right above your navel). This area in your life may no longer be a problem or a concern, but, it can be hard to break patterns.

One are of these areas for me was money. I went through a time when I was unemployed and money was scarce. It was a very scary, difficult time. That currently is no longer the case, yet some days I catch myself uncomfortable with spending money. I remind myself that those issues are in the past.

New patterns = New manifestations

1. Try to identify one area in your life that you would like to break an outgrown pattern.
2. Write down what blessing or lesson that situation taught you. Next to the lesson learned write down what you would like to manifest instead.
3. Compose three affirmations that support what you would like to manifest. Write these on an index card and the next time that feeling or pattern of fear arises, read them out loud. In time you will change the pattern.

When the feelings from past patterns come up, relax, stay positive. Keep the lessons and let go of the burden.

Break the pattern! You can do it!

Fourth of July Trivia

By: Gloria Marie

divorce the divorce, divorced women, divorce, fourth of july trivia

This Saturday we celebrate the Fourth of July. It is a national holiday based on our fight for freedom. Many of you will probably be having barbeques and watching fireworks. This list below of Fourth of July trivia would be a fun addition to any celebration. Maybe consider some prizes for the winners.

1. Who penned the Declaration of Independence? Thomas Jefferson
2. What day did most of the signers of the Declaration of Independence actually sign the document? August 2, 1776.
3. What do the colors of the United States flag stand for? Red is for hardiness and valor. White is for purity and innocence. Blue is for vigilance, perseverance and justice.
4. Who wrote the words to the National Anthem, the “Star Spangled Banner”? Francis Scott Key.
5. Who sewed the first official American flag? Betsy Ross.
6. What is our national bird? The bald eagle
7. Three of the first five presidents died on the Fourth of July. Who were they? John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, and James Monroe.
8. What country gave us the Statue of Liberty? France.
9. How did the name “Uncle Sam” originate? The name originated in 1812, when a meat packer by the name of Sam Wilson provided meat to the U.S. Army. Someone saw the meat shipments that were stamped with U. S. and joked that the initials stood for “Uncle Sam” and the name stuck.
10. When did fireworks become a part of the Fourth of July celebrations? In 1777, Congress authorized the use of fireworks to celebrate the first anniversary of the Declaration of Independence. The celebration was held in Philadelphia.
11. How many people were living the USA on July 4, 1776? 2.5 million

What is your favorite way to celebrate the Fourth of July? Do you wear red, white, and blue?