Monthly Archives: February 2015

5 Self Help Books to Read Now

By: Gloria Marie

self help books, single, divorce, divorced women, dating.

Reading has always been a passion of mine. When I was 5, I remember being so thrilled because I could read “The Cat and the Hat” all by myself.  This passion for reading continues to this day. I love going to libraries and bookstores. The amount of knowledge in these places humbles me. This list of “5 Self Help Books to Read Now” are currently the ones on the coffee table in my family room. Maybe try to pick up at least one of these and read it this year.

  1. “The Book of Awakening: Having the Live You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have”  Mark Nepo –  This book has a reading for every day of the year. The message is timeless.  When I want some inspiration, I pick it up and open it to any page. Each day has a theme, a quote, and a story. Today’s quote- “We love what we attend”. Mwalimu Imara
  2. “Self-Mastery through Conscious Autosuggestion” by Emile Coue. This little gem was written in 1922 and has 118 pages. Emile Coue was a leader in believing that the mind is the principal factor in health in sickness.  His affirmation, “Every day in every way, I am getting better and better”.
  3. “You Can Heal Your Life” by Louise Hay. This has been my go to book for affirmations since 1987. Louise’s life story is inspiring and her techniques for using affirmations are timeless.
  4. “Secrets of Attraction: the Universal Laws of Love, Sex and Romance” by Sandra Anne Taylor. The author reveals how the Universal laws including quantum physics can affect your relationships.
  5. “The Strangest Secret” by Earl Nightingale. This is another classic. It was published in 1956 and it is a mire 42 pages. It is easy to read and yet a timeless, powerful message. His key to success and failure. “We become what we think about”.

Try to pick one of these books up. It may change your life.

Improve Your Self Esteem

By: Gloria Marie

self esteem, divorce, single women, dating, improve your self esteem

Self-esteem is how you feel about yourself as a person. Life changes can sometimes affect our self-esteem. Divorce, job loss, and break up of a relationship can all effect our self-esteem. It is a reflection of what you think about yourself. The good news is you can control and improve it. You can take responsibility for your own thoughts. Change unhappiness into happiness. You are not defined by another person, job or circumstance. Try the exercise below to improve your self esteem.

During my divorce there were many time my self-esteem suffered. When I was unemployed, alone, and scared, it took a hit. The future frightened me. It even materialized in how I dressed. My closet was filled with all black clothes. Great for attending funerals, but, this was my new life. I realized that I could control my thoughts, improve my self-esteem, and begin to create a life filled with happiness and joy.

Try this exercise below. Remember, self-esteem is an inside job and you can improve it.

1. List what you honor and appreciate about yourself – your gifts, talents, skills, and abilities. Consider these questions:
a. What do I appreciate about who I am?
b. What are my strengths?
c. What do my friends appreciate about me?
d. How would people who love me describe me?
2. When you have completed your list, read it out loud while looking in the mirror. This is more difficult than it may seem. Do this daily, until, you feel authentic while saying the statements. Keep this list to repeat when you need a little pick me up.
a. Begin each statement with the words, (your name), I love you’re…. (Gloria I love your sense of humor)
b. Begin each statement with the words, I love my…….. (I love my commitment to feeling good about myself!)

What did you LOVE about yourself?  Was the mirror exercise difficult?

Vision Board for Love

By: Gloria Marie

love, heart, single women, dating, divorce, vision board, divorced women

My theme for February has been love and romance. To continue with that theme, let’s make a vision board for love this month. Having a “visual” to look at helps employ an extra modality. It supports the feeling of giving and receiving love to permeate your entire being. My first career was as an exceptional education teacher. I taught multiply handicapped children. My lesson plans involved using as many modalities as possible to teach a concept. For example, if I was introducing a letter of the alphabet, I would employ touch, taste, visual and auditory stimulation. To introduce the letter “A”, I would have them say “A” out loud, show the letter “A”, touch the letter “A” in sandpaper or clay, and taste an apple.

“Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere,
They’re in each other all along”
-Rumi

Follow these steps to design your vision board for love.
Materials Needed:
1. Gather together a poster board, scissors, glue, and colorful markers. I usually like to use a foam board. There are no rules for the size of the board
2. Search the Internet and magazines for photos that you feel represent love and romance.
3. A photo of yourself looking happy.
Making the Vision Board for Love:
1. Put the photo of yourself in the middle of the board.
2. Surround your photo with photos from magazines and the Internet that illicit the feeling of love in your heart. This is a very personal decision. Look for photos of happy couples and couples in love.
3. Use the colorful markers to write quotes about love and romance.
4. Decorate the poster with other fun things: stars, airline tickets (if you want to travel), ribbons, and flowers.
5. Leave some room for other photos or quotes you may find in the future.
6. Place this vision board where you can see it every day.
Did you have fun doing this project?  Where are you going to put your vision board?

Ghosting in Dating

By: Gloria Marie

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Another new term I learned about dating: ghosting.  This is so not ok and so disrespectful.  If you are dating, it has probably happened to you, but, you may not be familiar with the term. With texting, the Internet, and on-line dating, ghosting has become more prevalent, even though it is easier to communicate without a face to face confrontation. So, what is ghosting?  Well, you have been seeing someone for a while and then without any warning, you never hear from them again.  They have dropped off the face of the earth.  They just “ghosted” away from you. So here is how you can deal with ghosting in dating.

This happened to me last summer.  I had been dating someone for about 5 weeks. We lived in different cities and had plans to get together in the fall.  We exchanged emails in the early fall and that was it. I was ghosted without warning. Of course, I did what I will recommend you not do, I kept going over our last date and what I said or did wrong.  Online dating makes ghosting easier because they can just go on to the next one.  Sometimes I wish for the good old days when I took woodworking classes to meet men. By the way, I did not meet anyone to date in woodworking class, but, I made a beautiful cutting board and checker board.

What to do if you have been ghosted:

  1. Know that this is not cool. You are owed a better level of respect.
  2. Keep your dignity. Maybe text once to see if they are ok and that is it. If they do not respond, move on.
  3. Realize that you are not the problem. It was nothing that you said or did. As difficult as it may be to admit, he is a jerk and a coward. You deserve more.
  4. Be thankful that the relationship did not go further. This type of person is afraid of confrontation and it not relationship material
  5. If he does reappear, you need a sincere apology.

Have you ever been ghosted?  How did you handle it?

Valentine’s Day Alone

By: Gloria Marie

valentines day, single women, divorce women, dating, single women

This week we celebrate Valentine’s Day. “Celebrate” may be too strong of a word if you are going to spend the day alone and single. Many of my single friends refuse to out on Valentine’s Day if they do not have a date. Well this year, even if you do not have a date, make it a great day filled with love for YOU! Pamper yourself, discover some things about yourself and maybe perform one of the love rituals.  You can enjoy a Valentine’s Day Alone.

If you are alone, would you rather be miserable with an ex? Probably not. Look at being alone as an opportunity to do whatever it is that you want. It is your choice to have a pity party today or make it a wonderful day. You do not need a man in your life to enjoy the day.

Begin by asking yourself these questions. They can provide insight into how you would like to pamper yourself.

1. If you had one year to live, what would be most important to you to do and be in that time?
2. What makes your heart sing?
3. What are ten things in life you would like to do purely for the fun of it?
4. What have you done in life that you would like to do more of?
5. What do you want to learn? What skills do you want to master?

Now, based on your answers to these questions, make an action plan to pamper yourself on Valentine’s Day. Do something special for yourself. Remember times as a child when you woke up on a summer morning so excited for the day ahead. Plan Valentine’s Day with that feeling in mind. So you wake up excited and filled with energy.

Remember the law of attraction: what you focus on you bring into your life. Try to not focus on the lack of a relationship in your life. Be grateful for what you do have in your life today. With this attitude, I doubt you will be alone on Valentine’s Day next year.

What are you planning to do on Valentine’s Day?

Fun Ideas for Valentines Day

By: Gloria Marie

valentines day, single women, divorced women, dating,

Often when we think of Valentine’s Day we think of love, romance, and roses. I remember my first memorable Valentine’s Day after my divorce. My date took me to a special dinner, dancing, and bought me romantic gifts. I use to dread the day because more often than not I spent it alone. Now if I have a date that is great, but, if not, I still make it a wonderful day. Today I challenge you to do something special and loving for yourself. The more you can truly love yourself, the more you can love others and receive the love they have to give. With our busy schedules, it is easy to put ourselves last. Today change that and try one of my fun ideas for Valentines Day.

In his book “Falling into Grace”, Adyashanti says:

“As I often tell my students, the person you’ll have the hardest time opening to and truly loving without reserve is yourself. Once you can do that, you can love the whole universe unconditionally. But is all starts with you.”

1. Take a “love” bath. This bath is fabulous to relax you and increase your energy flow to help attract that special someone. Place rose scented candles around your bath room. Fill the tub and add 10 drops of rose oil. You can also put roses around the bathroom and some petals in the water. Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. Imagine your heart area encased in a shimmering pink light. Gradually that pink light surrounds your entire body. Now spend some time imaging the relationship you would like to manifest. What qualities does he have? Make a mental list. Feel that you and he have already connected. When you are finished, say a prayer of gratitude to the Universe and have faith.
2. Spend some time journaling about the best Valentine’s Day you ever had. Write out the details. Feel the emotions you felt on that special day. What were you wearing? What made it so special? Did you go to dinner, if so, what did you eat? What was the weather like? What was your date wearing? What made it so special?
3. If you want to attract a relationship, spend time writing an affirmation 10 times. Use red ink. Some suggestions: “I am a magnet of love, attracting my dreams and desires to me now”. “I am a loving person and I will receive the love I want”. “I am a valuable partner and I am attracting love”.

Happy Valentine’s Day! What did you do for yourself today?

Falling in Love

By: Gloria Marie

falling in love, divorce, dating, single women

February is about love and romance. The New York Times had an article titled, “To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This” written by Mandy Len Catron. She cited a study done over 20 years ago by the psychologist Arthur Aron. The study explored whether intimacy between 2 strangers can be hastened by asking a specific series of 36 questions. Then the final task is starring into each other’s eyes for four minutes. I am sure those four minutes seem like an hour. Ms. Catron did her own “study” and found that it worked for her. Maybe we should try this to begin falling in love.

I found this study fascinating. A series of questions is a great way to get to know each other. So many of my Match.com dates I felt I was being interviewed for a job. Or being interrogated. All that was missing sometimes was a bright light in my eyes. The usual questions would get so boring. What type of work do you do? How long have you lived in the area? Do you have any children? On and on and on. Boring small talk. Next time, I am going to try the 36 questions. I may have to work up to the 4 minute stare. I think I had to do something like that in acting class one time.

The questions are in three sets. Each set is intended to have you become more open and vulnerable. Here are a sampling of the questions:

Set 1
1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
3. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?

Set 2
1. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
2. What is your most treasured memory?
3. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

Set 3
1. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life?
2. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
3. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

Let me know if you tired this and if it worked.

Meditation to Give and Receive Love

By: Gloria Marie

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This simple meditation is a great way to open your heart chakra and feel the energy of giving and receiving love. This meditation is great to do if you want to attract a relationship into your life. Of course, it is not only designed for single or divorced women. If you feel negative energy around you or if you are feeling depressed or upset, try this meditation to change the negative energy to a feeling of love and warmth. It only takes a few minutes. Ready to meditate to give and receive love? Read the instructions a couple of times and try to do it from memory.

Find a quiet space to sit. A place that you will not be interrupted or distracted. Close your eyes and take a few deep breathes. Continue taking breathes until you feel relaxed. Try to let go of any worries or thoughts. Concentrate on the breaths going in and out of your body. Feel grateful for the air that you are breathing. When you feel relaxed, imagine a beautiful pink light surrounding your heart area. Imagine this beautiful pink light growing larger and larger with each breath. It keeps growing until it surrounds your entire body. Feel that this beautiful light is surrounding you with love. Now imagine there is someone sitting in front of you. This could be someone you know: your husband, your son, or your daughter. Or if you want to attract a relationship, this could be your future partner. You extend the beautiful pink light to them and surround them with your light and love. Fell the love extending from your heart to theirs. Now imagine they are sending you lots of love and pink light. You are allowing your heart to open to receive the love. Continue sending and receiving love for a few more minutes. Slowly open your eyes. Thank the Universe for filling your life with love and joy.